He Knows
by tiffanyanne3
Summary: "My chest pounds, and I feel a little lightheaded, but I have to do it. I have to tell her. She has to know. But I think she already does. I move slowly toward her, hesitating, unsure if I should be doing this, afraid to scare her away again." This is You Should Know from Edward's perspective. It's not necessary to read the BPOV before reading this one. Each stands on its own.
1. The Tumble

**A/N: This is a companion piece to my story titled You Should Know. Originally, Edward's POV consisted of 5 scenes, bought by uscmam in an auction. I recently decided that Edward needed to tell his side of the full story. This is a more in-depth look at You Should Know from his perspective. It's not 100% necessary to read either story before the other, but it might be helpful in some cases if you know what they're both thinking and what goes on when they're not together.**

**A good song for this chapter: "The Moon" by Cat Power**

**Thank you for reading! **

* * *

Running has always been my form of escape. Mostly from my brother and sister, who think they have it all figured out. With them, it's always, "When are you going to decide what to do with your life, Edward? You're going to have to graduate at some point and become a contributing member of society." Even though it's usually in jest, I can't stand it. Just because my siblings know what they want out of life, they expect _me_ to have some sort of direction. I'm only twenty-three. Who the hell says you're supposed to know what you want to do with the rest of your life when you're barely a quarter of the way through it? The only path I'm following right now is through downtown Charleston, South Carolina. The one that takes me from the Market to the Battery and back.

My runs consist of nothing but me, the heat, and the scenery along Meeting Street, or whichever street I happen to park on that day. No running partners. No iPod. Nothing but fresh air and a clear head.

On this particular evening, I'm on the last leg of my run when I see this girl. One second she's running, and the next second she's on the ground, doubled over with her arms wrapped around herself. I keep back, not wanting to intrude, but the longer she stays there, the more I think she might be really hurt. I run faster to get to her, and as I get closer, I hear these gut-wrenching sobs.

"Hey! Hey, are you okay?" I shout over the sound of a passing motorcycle.

She just continues to sob, taking deep, raw breaths. My heart breaks for her. I doubt she even has the capacity for speech with all the crying. I kneel down next to her, far enough away that she knows I'm not a creeper.

"Are you hurt?" I ask. "Do you need help?"

She shakes her head and sits up after a minute, and when she looks at me, a weird pang shoots through my chest. She's beautiful, even all red and teary and broken. Long brown hair only a shade lighter than her deep brown eyes. Plump, pink lips and long lashes. Though her eyes are swollen and red from the tears, they tell me everything I need to know.

"I'm okay," she says. "I just… Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed." She sniffs and wipes her eyes with the backs of her hands.

I smile, relieved to see she's not injured. "Hey, we all take a tumble every now and then."

I know good and well that's not why she's embarrassed, but I want to take the sting out of it—her obvious discomfort. Something else is wrong, and I want to do whatever I can to help. Though it sounds stupid, I feel this weird pull to her. She says something, but I'm kind of mesmerized in a weird way. I blink and realize she's holding her hand over her nose and looking at me like she's made some request.

"Oh, shit." My brain catches up, and it registers that she's asked for a tissue. "Hang on a minute, okay? Don't go anywhere." She shakes her head, and I run over to a nearby gelato cart to ask for napkins. The girl who pushes the cart grins at me and gives me a handful of paper towels and a bottle of water.

"You look hot," she says. "It's on me." The double entendre is obvious, and I'm sure she's expecting something else, but I just smile, tell her thanks, and rush back to the pretty brunette.

I crouch next to her sort of awkwardly while she blows her nose and dabs at her eyes. "Here," I say, holding the bottle of water out to her. "Drink some of this. It'll help." I'm not sure what I think a bottle of water will do for her, but I need to feel helpful in some way. She smiles weakly and takes it from me anyway. "I'm Edward, by the way."

She sniffles again and draws in a shuddering breath. "I'm Bella. And thank you."

"Don't mention it." There's an awkward silence, and I turn my gaze downward. "You're bleeding." After I take some of the napkins to help clean up her bloody knee, it occurs to me that she might not want a complete stranger touching her. "May I?"

She nods, and I pat at her scraped knee gently. "Doesn't look too bad. Just some scrapes, but you'll definitely have some pretty bad bruises later."

"Are you a doctor?" she asks.

I can't stop the laugh that bubbles up from my gut. Me—the guy with incredibly ambitious siblings and parents (a neurosurgeon for a father, for fuck's sake), the guy with the least direction of anyone else I know—a doctor. That's rich.

My laughter seems to ease her somewhat, and we fall into easy conversation. "That would be a big no. My dad's a doctor, and he'd love nothing more than for me to follow in his footsteps, but… I'm majoring in floundering undecidedness at the moment."

"So you're a student."

I nod and take a fresh napkin to dab at her other knee. She winces slightly.

"Yeah. College of Charleston."

"Me too," she says.

"Oh?" I ask, interest piqued. "What are you studying?"

"Astronomy."

"Oh, that's really cool. So you want to work for NASA or something?"

She casts her eyes downward in a way that tells me she'd be blushing if her face weren't already flushed. "That would be amazing," she answers. "But I'm not sure what I'll do. I just find it interesting."

"Are the classes hard?" It's small talk, but something inside me just wants her to keep talking.

"Sometimes. But it's stuff I'm really interested in, so…" She shrugs, and silence falls over us. She looks down at her knee, where my hand still lingers, and I realize I _am _being a creeper after all.

I remove it and clear my throat. "Are you okay now? Sure you aren't hurt anywhere else?"

"A few bandages, and I'll be all fixed."

It's weird, but I don't want to leave her. "Can I help you get somewhere?" I ask instead, knowing she's not in any condition to be running now. Though I'm acutely aware of how insensitive it is, I can't help thinking the whole time about how pretty she is. But when she looks up at me, her eyes hold a deep sadness. "I have my car here. Can I drive you home?" She stalls for a moment, and I wince when she's not looking. "I promise I'm not a freak or anything. I'll be a perfect gentleman."

"Mom always told me not to get into cars with strangers," she volleys sarcastically.

"Well, we aren't strangers. I've seen you bleed and blow your nose. In some countries, that would be considered a first date."

She laughs a little, and it warms me. "Crying to laughing. Definitely a step in the right direction."

When she agrees to let me drive her home, my heart almost leaps out of my chest. I want to spend more time with this beautiful, broken girl. I want to be near her in whatever capacity I can. My thoughts border on stalker behavior, I know. But I can't help it.

I stand and help her up, and we walk the block to my car. She leans against me slightly as she limps along, and I want to be the one she leans on for everything.

As we make our way to her house, I finally muster up some courage. "Would it be too forward of me to ask what happened?"

She draws a deep breath. It's a struggle for me to keep my eyes on the road. I want to read her expressive face. "No, not too forward." But she falters.

"Boy troubles?" I ask, not doing a great job at hiding my ulterior motive.

"Something like that." She heaves another great sigh, and just when I think she's going to drop the subject, she spills. "My boyfriend—well, he's…seeing someone else."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

I sneak a glance at her at a stoplight. "I take it it's not a casual thing."

She shakes her head and looks down at her hands without elaborating.

"I'm sorry," I say and turn my eyes back to the road. "I'm prying."

"It's fine," she says. "It's just… It's new. Hey, what's this song?"

Her rapid change of subject catches me slightly off guard. "Uh, I'm not sure. It sounds like Band of Horses."

"Oh."

I can take a hint. The boyfriend thing is off limits.

When she directs me to pull over at a blue three-story house, I insist on helping her out of the car and up the stairs to her front door. It's an apartment at the top of a shotgun house—the kind that looks tall and skinny from the front and broad from the side. It's common for owners to separate the floors into single apartments. Her level has its own outside entrance and a long porch that spans three sides of the house.

"Crap," she says, patting the pockets of her running shorts. I look down at her bright pink shorts, but my eyes wander down the length of her toned legs. She's definitely a regular runner. I kick myself mentally. She's scraped and bruised both emotionally and physically, and I'm checking her out like that whistling cartoon wolf whose eyes bulge out of his head.

"I forgot my key," she says, bringing me out of my thoughts. She rings the doorbell, and a pretty blonde with a charming smile opens the door right away. I start to grin back, but her open smile turns into a wide-eyed, panicky expression as she takes in Bella's appearance.

"Bella! What the hell happened to you?" She narrows her eyes and purses her lips at me, but I'm more amused than intimidated. "Who are you?"

"Rose, this is Edward. I fell when I was running, and he helped me." She gives me an apologetic smile. "You'll have to excuse Rosalie. She's a bit of a drama queen. Theater major."

"Hello! Standing right here," Rosalie scoffs.

Bella ignores her and turns back to me. "Thanks again for all your help."

"It was nice meeting you. I wish it had been under better circumstances." I stick my hand out for her to shake before I remember the scrapes on her hands.

"Nice to meet you, too," she says, taking my hand in a delicate manner. "Maybe I'll see you around campus."

"Hopefully. See you around." I hesitate for a second, unwilling to leave. But I have to. We have no connection, really, and she doesn't owe me anything. So I turn to go, resolving to make an effort to see her around campus. We go to the same school, run the same route… I console myself with the thought that I'm bound to see her again. Hopefully when she's less defeated.

* * *

When I walk through my front door, my little sister Alice is sitting on the couch with a magazine and a glass of wine. I say little, but she's actually only a year younger than me, and at barely five feet tall she technically _is_ little. An anomaly in a family of fairly tall people. Our older brother Emmett is the antithesis of Alice. He's a hulk. She's a hobbit—minus the hairy feet and all. He's loud, good-natured, and loves to tease people. She's excitable and melodramatic. I'm somewhere in between. The typical middle child. Introverted. Pensive. They call it broody.

The three of us live near the beach in a house our parents used to rent out to vacationers. It's close to downtown, where I go to C of C and Alice goes to the Art Institute, so living there saves money for our parents in the long run. Campus housing and downtown apartments are expensive. Em graduated from the Citadel a few years ago. He's an engineer. Don't ask me what he does, because I don't actually know. I've never been a math and science guy. Alice is a fashion major, and she's pretty good at that stuff. She even makes her own clothes.

"Edward!" she exclaims as soon as I shut the door.

I toe my shoes off and go to sit next to her.

"I'd hug you, but you're all sweaty," she says with a wrinkled nose. "I feel like I haven't seen you in days. What have you been up to? How was your run?"

I shrug. "It was all right." Those are the only words I intend to say on the matter. I stare straight ahead as Alice cocks her head at me. She knows there's something on my mind. It's useless to ignore her; she has a way of getting information out of anyone. Suddenly, it's like my brain is an erupting volcano and my mouth is the crater. "I met this girl. She fell and was crying, so I helped her. I drove her home and met her roommate, and she's beautiful."

"The roommate?"

I shake my head and turn to her. "No. Bella. The girl who fell."

"Is she okay?"

"Alice, she's gorgeous. Brown hair and these deep eyes, and— I sound like such a creep." I lean my head back on the couch and run my hands over my face roughly.

She laughs her tinkling little laugh. "No, you don't. You sound like you've met someone you really like."

I shake my head. "She's not available."

"What, like she has a boyfriend?"

"She does. Or did. I don't know."

She gives me a strange look.

"I think they just broke up or something. She was crying. I drove her home." I think I might be repeating myself, but I'm kind of in a daze.

"Ah," she says as she sips her wine thoughtfully. "So what's her name? Do I know her?"

I roll my eyes. "I don't know if you know her, Alice. She goes to my school."

She shrugs. "I know lots of people."

"You're so weird."

"Why am I weird? You're the one pining over girls you find crying on the sidewalk."

I screw my face up into a scowl. "I'm not pining. And you're the one sitting here alone with booze and a magazine."

"Ouch, Edward."

I grin and pull her into a hug. "You know I love you, sis."

"Gross! Stop it! You're all sweaty."

I let go of her and stand up to go shower. "Any dinner plans?"

She shakes her head. "You guys want to get Chinese food and watch stupid TV?"

"Fine by me," I say. "Call Em and make him pick it up." I smirk at her and trudge down the hall to my room to brood like a loser. There's no reason for this. It's ridiculous of me to want so badly to see her again. This girl…Bella. She resonates with me. And there's nothing I can do about it.


	2. The Friend

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and faves. I'm glad y'all are enjoying it. Thanks to RachelFish for the awesome comments and for catching those little things I miss! :)**

**A good song for this chapter: "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones**

* * *

Two weeks later, I see her again. I recognize her right away, even from afar. My heart thumps from both running and exhilaration. I slow my pace and give in to my inner creep to watch for a bit as she runs down the Battery. Her black shorts expose long, toned legs. Her ponytail bobs up and down with each stride. I watch as she suddenly crosses the street and runs on the opposite sidewalk for a few minutes. Then she crosses again and resumes her previous path, leaving me puzzled.

I pick up the pace and catch up with her quickly, tapping her on the shoulder as I fall into step beside her. She jumps, and I chuckle.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Now I _really_ feel like a stalker.

"It's okay," she says with a smile. "I was just sort of lost in my thoughts. Edward, right?"

"Right." I briefly wonder what thoughts she was lost in, if the guy she was crying about before is still in her life. If he is, I hope she's made him pay for whatever he did. Though I prefer to hear that he isn't in her life at all. "Sorry to interrupt."

"No! It's fine. I'm glad to see you again."

I grin. She seems sincere. "How are you? Obviously much better than the last time I saw you."

"I'm okay. Not great, but okay."

"Okay's not bad."

She laughs. "You're right, it's not bad."

"So could you use some company? Or would you rather be alone?"

"I don't mind the company at all," she says, then smirks at me before turning her attention back to our path. "As long as you can keep up with me."

An embarrassing snort escapes me. "I'll do my best."

We run in silence for a few minutes. I'm just glad to be here with her. Despite my best efforts at keeping my eyes peeled for her around campus, I haven't seen her since our first meeting.

"So, have you decided yet?" she asks, but I'm not sure what she means.

"Decided what?"

"What to major in."

I groan. "Not you too. No, I haven't decided yet."

"Hey, I'm not pressuring. Just making conversation."

Slowing my pace a bit more to catch my breath, I run through my classes in my head. None of them interest me all that much. She might not be pressuring me, but it seems like everyone else is. I just had this conversation with my dad at a family dinner last weekend. To be honest, my parents don't really push either. They just want me to find what makes me happy. Of course, wasting time in school isn't the smartest financial movie either, so I feel like I owe it to them to make a damn decision already. I shake my head and tell myself to forget it. Forget anything but running and Bella. "Well," I answer after a few long seconds, "I'm taking poli-sci, English lit, geology, and western civ. I've since decided _not _to major in politics, English, or history."

"Narrowing it down. A step in the right direction."

I wonder to myself if she knows that I said those last words to her the first time we met. Probably not. She's not obsessive like I am. "How about you? The planets and stars aligning properly?"

She laughs. "Well, as far as planets go, all is well. But I think the universe has it in for me lately."

"That so?"

"Yeah."

Another silence falls, but it's comfortable. More out of necessity than awkwardness. I don't even realize that we've run straight past my stopping point until she slows to a stop to stretch and cool down on the patch of grass in front of her house. "Are you going on from here?" she asks. "I guess this wasn't your normal route."

"I was just finishing up when I saw you, actually." I rub the back of my neck, feeling kind of stupid. "But I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Oh," she says. The blush that spreads over her face is captivating.

"I guess time got away from me."

"Do you want me to drive you back to your car?" she asks hesitantly.

I could manage the extra mileage just fine, but… "That'd be great. I'm a little tired." The truth, of course, is that I just want to be near her. I don't know what it is about Bella, but she draws me in like a magnet.

"It's the least I can do," she says. "You did the same for me. Sort of. Want to come up for some water?"

"I don't want to put you out."

"Not at all."

My grin is huge as we climb the stairs to her apartment. "Any big plans for the weekend?"

She shakes her head and huffs. "None. It took enough energy to roll out of bed and run. Aside from going to class, I haven't been exactly…mobile for the last two weeks."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I instantly hate her boyfriend—ex-boyfriend, I hope—more than I already did. My lips are pressed together in a straight line when she looks at me, and I try to rearrange my features into a friendly expression.

"Eh. I feel a lot better today." She grins at me as she unlocks the door. "Remembered the key this time."

I follow her inside, where her roommate is reading on the couch. She spits out a mouthful of tea, and I choke on a laugh.

"Well, well. If it isn't the white knight," she says.

"Edward," Bella reminds her.

"I remember."

"Simmer down, Rose. Go back to your steamy novel. We're just getting water, and I'm driving Edward back to his car."

"Look at the color in your cheeks!" Rose teases her as she follows us to the kitchen. "I told you a run was just what you needed."

"Yeah, you were right and I was wrong. Enjoy it, because it's a first and last-time thing."

My eyes dart back and forth at their sarcastic volley. "I thought only the Gilmore Girls did this bantering thing." The words slip from my mouth before I have a chance to censor them, and I'm suddenly very pissed off at Alice.

Both girls turn to me with puzzled looks. "You watch _Gilmore Girls_?" Rosalie asks slowly.

My face is hot. "Uh… I—I have a sister…"

They look doubtful.

"Seriously, I do. Her name's Alice."

They're still looking at me like I've got two heads.

"We have these family night things. We eat takeout and watch whatever she feels like watching."

"Who's we?" Rose asks.

"My brother, my sister, and myself."

Her forehead scrunches. "What's your brother's name?"

"Emmett."

"Geez, Rosalie, what's up with the inquisition?" Bella asks in an obvious attempt to save me from the grilling.

"I knew it!" Rose says and smacks her hand against my chest. She catches me off guard, and I stumble back a step.

"Ow."

"You're Emmett Cullen's brother!"

"That's what I just said." This girl's confusing. And the slightest bit nosy.

"No, I mean when you said your sister's name is Alice and she makes you watch girly TV, it sounded like something I'd heard from Emmett." She slaps the counter with her hand as her eyebrows shoot up in recognition. "And now I know why you look so familiar! Pictures on Facebook."

"You know Emmett and Alice?"

"Yeah. I mean I know Emmett. We're dating."

It all comes together. He's been going out a lot, and I assumed it was with a girl, but he doesn't talk about it. Alice said a few nights ago that whoever it was must be someone special, because he's never been able to keep anything a secret before. "So you're the mystery woman he's been sneaking off to see."

"Mystery woman? He's been keeping me a secret?"

"Nah, I'm just messing with you. I knew he was seeing someone. I just didn't know I'd already met you."

She purses her lips, and I wonder for a second if she's mad, but then she smiles again. Her moods—her expressions, anyway—change quickly. "Does that mean you'll be at the party tonight, then?"

"Yeah." My heart thuds heavily a few times. I almost forgot about the party at my house tonight. Alice invited a bunch of her friends, who she says invited a bunch of their friends… I'm not really looking forward to it. But the prospect of Bella coming makes it so much better. "Were you two planning on coming?"

Bella groans. "I hadn't really—"

"Of course we are!" says Rose, grabbing her arm before she can finish. "We're very excited."

I can't stop the smile that threatens to split my face.

"I—I should get you back to your car." It's all Bella says. I don't think she really planned to come. But it's plain to see that, thanks to Rosalie, there's no way she's getting out of it now.

"Oh. Yeah, I've got lots to do before the party." I pull Alice's to-do list out of my pocket and wave it around.

Rose says something about delegation, but I'm not really listening. I try to be covert while I study Bella's face, hoping she won't back out.

"It was nice to see you again, Edward," Rose says loudly, and I jump a bit.

"Likewise." I make a weird salute with my water bottle. I don't even know what I'm doing. It's definitely time for me to go home. "Guess I'll be seeing you again tonight."

"Ready?" Bella asks, jingling her keys and looking anxious.

I nod and follow her outside to her car. "Thanks again for doing this," I say, happy just to have her full attention again.

"No prob," she says. "Sorry about Rose. She can be a little much sometimes."

"Nothing to apologize for. She's…" _Dramatic _is the only word I can think of at first, but a nicer one comes to mind._ "_Enthusiastic."

She laughs, and it's full and beautiful. It's the first time I've heard her really laugh, and even though it's only the second time I've met her, it makes me incredibly happy.

"Enthusiastic," she repeats. "That's one way to put it."

When we're back at the Battery in a couple of minutes, and I guide her to my parking spot. I don't want to get out when she pulls up next to my car. "Thanks again, Bella," I say, wishing I knew how to stall for time. How to convince her to show tonight. "I'll see you later, right?" The possibility of seeing her there is the only thing pushing me out the door.

Her look makes me doubt she'll say yes, but she surprises me.

"Yeah. I'll see you tonight."

"Great," I say a little too eagerly. When I step out of the car, I blow out a hard breath and roll my eyes at myself. I have no idea when I turned into such a goon. But when I lean down to look at her through the open window, she's smiling. "Drive safely. You know, all two or so miles you have to go." Then I say goodbye and walk away before I can't.

* * *

She actually shows up at the party. Though she said she'd come, part of me didn't think she would. But there she is, standing with Emmett and Rose. Alice is just walking away from them as I approach, and she winks as she passes me. I know what's going through her head. For fuck's sake. She's such a meddler. But for now, she leaves me alone.

Surprisingly, I hear my name as I approach the other three. "Looking for me?" I ask.

Emmett turns and throws his arm around my neck. He's in his element. "Hey, bro. I just wanted to introduce you to Rose."

"Hi, Rose," I say with a smirk. "It's nice to meet you."

She giggles. "Likewise. I'm sure you'd be interested in meeting my friend Bella here."

"I'd love to meet Bella. Hey there. Can I get you something to drink, _Bella_?" I ask, making sure to take in my brother's confused expression as I take her arm.

"Sure," she says. "Lead the way."

We make our way to the kitchen through the larger-than-anticipated crowd, and I offer her a drink.

"I'm driving," she says, "but I guess I can have one glass of wine."

I nod and pour her a glass of red. "Here's your lovely plastic cup of wine," I say. "We spare no expense around here."

"I see. Well, I'm sure it's the finest quality plastic."

"Of course. It complements the bouquet of the wine."

"Of course," she agrees, and her laugh does things to me.

The conversation lulls as she sips her wine, and as I take a swig of beer, I watch her and try to gauge her mood, whether she's up for questions. "So, how are you?"

She presses her lips together, so I amend my question.

"I mean after getting back to running today."

It's obvious that she's on the border of closing down, but then she relaxes visibly. "Good. A little sore in the quads, but it felt good to get back to it."

"Yeah, I fall out of the routine sometimes, too." I want to make her feel comfortable. Like nothing was ever wrong.

"How about you? Those extra miles do anything for you?" she teases.

I love the banter. I want to keep her talking. I want her all to myself. "I have to admit I was a little beat. I took a nap in the hammock."

"How southern of you."

"It's comfortable. Want to see it?"

She shrugs. "Why not?"

The deck out back is filled with people, some of whom I recognize, and others I've never seen in my life. I nod at a few people as we pass. And before I can stop myself, I reach back and grab Bella's hand so I don't lose her. The things I feel when our hands lock together… I don't think I've touched her before, aside from helping her get up from the pavement that first day, and it feels like she stalls for a moment before I pull her through the group of people blocking our way.

"This is it," I tell her after we manage to descend the stairs and find our way to the grouping of oak trees.

Bella sits on the edge of the hammock and hums as she sips her wine. "You're right. It's pretty comfy." Something back at the house catches her attention then. "Shit," she utters and disappears behind one of the oaks.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I have no idea what's going on.

"No," she says in a small, choked voice.

I peer around the tree to see her sitting on the ground, leaning up against the trunk with her knees drawn up to her chest. "What is it?"

"It's him. And her."

"Who?" She's shaking and covering her face with both hands, and it hits me. I look back up toward the deck. "Which one?"

She points him out—Emmett's new friend Jake. And Charlotte. The ones I introduced at another party a few weeks ago. She wouldn't leave me alone, so I pawned her off on the first guy I saw. _Fuck. _I introduced Bella's boyfriend to the girl he cheated on her with. I panic internally, but outside, I keep it together. _She doesn't need to know_, I convince myself. It will only complicate things more.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I tell her, touching her arm.

She looks me in the eyes, and at a moment like this, how can I think only of how gorgeous she is? "What do you have to be sorry for?" she asks.

"I… I'm just sorry you had to see them together."

"It's not your fault," she says. "I guess it had to happen sometime."

At a loss, I run a hand through my hair and sit next to her, mimicking her position against the tree.

"Can I tell you something weird?" she asks.

"Sure."

"I'm…sort of glad you were with me when I saw him."

It's the last thing I expect her to say. It sort of floors me and makes me happy at the same time. "I'm glad I was here for you."

"I feel comfortable around you," she adds, and my head spins. "If Rose had been here with me, it probably would've turned into this whole…dramatic...thing." She sighs. "It's nice to have a friend that makes me feel relaxed."

Before I can even think about it, I reach down and squeeze her hand. "I'm glad to have you as a friend, too."

We're quiet for a minute, but it's not awkward at all. She breaks the silence by telling me that she met Alice. I knew she did, because I saw them talking.

"She recognized me somehow," she says.

"I told her about you."

She gives me a quizzical look. "About _me_?"

"Yeah. The day I met you. You were so sad and…well, broken. I felt so bad for you. I asked Alice if she knew you." I shrug.

She just says, "Oh," and I worry for a minute that I've said something wrong. I crane my neck so I can look around the tree to the deck to check for any trace of Jake or Charlotte. "I think they're gone," I tell her. "Do you want to go back inside? We can hide out until you leave."

When I'm sure there's no risk of running into them, we go to take cover in my room. She's stuck here until Rose is ready to go. And I'm secretly happy.

Rose, who's already at least one sheet to the wind, seeks us out as soon as we step foot inside. "Bella, I saw him. You okay?"

"I'm fine. Edward was with me."

"We're going to hide out in my room for a bit," I tell Emmett, who looks a little worried and as guilty as I feel.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Rose asks.

"I'm fine," Bella answers. "I promise."

As we make our way down the hall, the bathroom door swings open, and two people come tumbling out in a heap. I realize who it is a second after Bella does. _Fuck._

Bella makes a pained noise. Jake utters, "Fuck," at the same time I do. I grab her arm, pull her into my room, and slam the door. And suddenly she's sobbing in the middle of my bedroom. I hesitate before pulling her into a hug, unsure if she wants to be touched, but I do it anyway.

"Shh. I'm sorry," I tell her, tightening my arms around her. The more I hold on to her, the more she lets go and sags against me. I have to admit that I've thought about holding her like this, but in my imagination, she was never crying.

"It's—not—your fault," she hiccups.

I sigh heavily as guilt eats away at me. "It sort of is. In a way."

She shakes her head as the sobs begin to ebb. When she pulls way, I grab a box of tissues and hand them to her, then gesture to my big leather armchair. "Sit down."

She does, and she takes deep, calming breaths as she dabs at her eyes with the tissues.

"You okay?"

She nods slowly. "Like I said, it had to happen sometime." Her voice is watery and hoarse, but she's nowhere near as wrecked as she was that first day.

"They didn't have to do that in public where they knew they might run into you." I clench my fists so hard my fingernails dig into my palms.

"He didn't know I'd be here. He knows I've been depressed. Probably didn't expect to see me out and about."

Her reluctance to assign blame is baffling. "Still—"

"Let's talk about something else, okay?"

I watch her for a moment to make sure she's really okay, and then make a feeble attempt at changing the subject. "Okay. Um…any plans for Halloween?"

She nods and gives me a little smile as she dabs away the last of her tears. "I'm taking my little brother trick-or-treating. I've been neglecting my family lately."

"You have a brother young enough to go trick-or-treating?" The surprise must register on my face in a pretty apparent way, because she laughs and sits up straighter.

"Benjamin. I call him Benji." Her face brightens as she talks about him, and I want it to stay that way. I do my best to keep her talking.

"Benji? As in the dog from the movies?"

She swats at my arm, but I dodge it and laugh at her reaction.

"Not after a dog! I just thought it was cute."

"How old is he?"

"Six."

"Six?"

"Long story short, Mom and Dad divorced when I was little. They remarried when I was in high school, and they had Benji when I was sixteen."

"So a happy ending."

"I guess," she says. Then she seems to slip back inside her head.

"It's too quiet in here," I say, reaching around her to turn on the radio. "Can I get you some more wine?" I ask when she doesn't say anything else. Her cup is empty.

She snaps out of it and gives me a sheepish grin. "I think I might need it."

"Back in two secs," I say as I open the bedroom door. When I realize how that sounded, and I redouble like an idiot. "Er, seconds."

She laughs, clearly surprised and enjoying my embarrassment. "It's okay. Go."

I close the door and lean against the wall out in the hallway, shaking my head at myself and running my hand through my hair. Getting drinks is no easy feat when I'm stopped every few feet by another acquaintance. To be honest, I keep to myself a lot. Sure, I know a lot of people, but I don't really have close friends these days. It's not a conscious decision I made. It just happened. Finally, I manage to get through the crowd and grab drinks and a couple of snacks.

When I step back inside my room, I'm surprised to see Bella standing at my bookshelf, giggling to herself. "What's so funny?"

She jumps slightly and turns to face me, wearing an ear-to-ear grin.

"Something amusing about my reading choices?"

She shrugs and glances at the tray in my hands.

"I pilfered some libations," I tell her with a smirk.

"Nice use of SAT words," she says with a snort and pulls a book from the shelf. "Dabbling in Astronomy now? Did I interest you in exploring a major in science?"

_Shit. How do I answer that question? _The truth is I bought those books because of her. I wanted to be able to talk to her about things she's interested in when I saw her again.

"Something like that." I take the book from her hand and toss it onto the bed, replacing it with a new glass of wine. "Maybe you can explain some of the more head-spinning logic to me."

"Head-spinning?" she repeats.

"Yeah. Like wave-particle duality."

"I don't want to talk about that right now."

"Does that mean you don't understand it either?"

"Well, I don't know exactly how to explain it to someone else."

"So that's a yes."

She huffs. "Yes, I admit quantum mechanics makes my head spin."

"I knew it. You science geeks just make it all up as you go, right?"

"No!" She takes a gulp of wine, and her sparkling brown eyes dance. "Maybe sometimes."

I sit on the floor, leaning back against the bed, and gesture for her to do the same. the tray of food and drinks between us. "So how long have you been a runner?" I can't stop asking questions. I want to know everything about her.

"Since I was a junior in high school, when I discovered the gene I inherited from my dad's side of the family. The women tend to grow outward instead of upward."

I laugh, looking her up and down with an exaggerated stare. "You don't seem to have a problem with that to me."

She raises an eyebrow at me, and I worry for a second that my teasing sounded more presumptuous than funny. "Well, thanks, but it's true. If I didn't work out, I'd be as big as a house."

"I have a hard time believing that," I say, then stuff a tortilla chip in my mouth so it will stop skipping right past my filter.

She shrugs and sips some more wine. "No one said you had to believe me. I _am_ a rather bad liar, though, so… How about you?"

"I think I'm pretty proficient when it comes to stretching the truth."

She taps me on the knee. "You know what I mean."

"I started soon after I moved in here. It gets pretty crowded. Emmett and Alice are always pestering me. I just needed a way to be alone and clear my head—not have to answer to anyone."

"Mmm," she says in agreement. "It's peaceful."

"What's your brother dressing up as for Halloween?" I ask between a swig of beer and another tortilla chip.

"Not sure," she says. "I think he's narrowed it down to Batman or Luke Skywalker."

I suddenly want to meet this kid. "He likes _Star Wars_?"

"Loves it. He gets that from me."

The pop culture geek in me is suddenly even more taken with her, but our conversation is interrupted when Emmett sticks his head in through a crack in the door. Rose follows close behind as he comes in.

"Jake's gone," he says. "Bella, I'm really sorry about that. I didn't know—"

She holds up a hand and finishes off the last of her wine. "Don't worry about it."

Rose sits next to Bella and leans heavily against her. She looks like a mess, but a happy one. She's definitely gone. Not that I'm a hundred percent sober myself. Now that the intimacy of our hideout has been disrupted, now that my focus is torn from Bella only, I realize I might have had more to drink than I remember. _How long have we been in here, anyway? _I wonder silently.

"How are you, my love?" Rose asks, patting Bella's hand.

Bella giggles, and I wonder if she feels the same way I do. "I'm fine."

"You're not supposed to be drinking." Rose takes Bella's cup and tips it back, only to find that it's already been drained.

"I know. Sorry. I got a little carried away."

"Say no more," Emmett says, pulling Rose up by her arms. "You two can stay here tonight."

Bella sits up straighter. "What? No, I can't—"

"Don't even argue about it," says Emmett. "We have a spare room you're more than welcome to use."

She relaxes against the side of the bed again and gives in.

"I'm taking Rosie here to bed," says Emmett as he picks her up and slings her over his shoulder.

She squeals and giggles, and even though I don't know her well, I can tell she loves it. "Bye, Bells. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she calls out as Emmett carries her from the room and slams the door shut behind them.

Bella snorts. "That's not a very long list."

I let loose with an embarrassing, overreactive laugh. "You're so funny," I say, and then I tap her on the nose. It's silly. I doubt I've ever tapped anyone on the nose in my life. I feel stupid.

"Did you just tap my nose?" she asks, reading my thoughts.

I'm pretty sure my face is bright red, because it feels like it's on fire. "I think I did."

She shakes her head and stretches out on the wooden floor. I toss her a pillow, and she lays her head on it and looks up at me with a grin.

"Your little brother sounds like a cool guy," I say, unable to deal with the way she looks up at me from under heavy eyelids and long lashes. "Do you have any pictures of him?"

"Not with me. I have about a million on Facebook, though."

I immediately grab the laptop that sits on my desk and plop down on my stomach beside her. "Friend me up, Scotty," I say and wince yet again at my ridiculousness.

"_Star Trek_, too, huh?" she asks with another little snort.

She types in her password and searches for my profile. When she finds me, she examines what little she can before we're Facebook official. "You know Angela?" she asks with a hint of surprise.

"Angela?" I peek at the screen. "Oh, she's in my poli-sci class. She's really nice."

"Yeah, she's sweet," she says, going back to the task at hand. "There. Friend request sent." She browses through her photos then and slides the computer back to me.

I click through and am instantly enamored. I mean the kid is cute, but Bella… God, she's gorgeous. I chuckle at a few pictures of the two of them monkeying around for the camera. Her brother's face is a rounder, more boyish snapshot of hers. "He's cute."

She grabs my beer and takes a sip. "Do guys really say 'cute'?"

"I'm inebriated," I say, as if it acquits me of anything that comes tumbling through my loose lips.

We chat a bit more about inconsequential things, and before I know it, she's drifting off to sleep right next to me. I watch her long lashes make slower and slower passes over her eyes with each struggling blink until her eyes stay closed and her breathing evens out.

I reach out tentatively and trail a finger down the side of her face. _God, she's beautiful_, I think as sleep comes to claim me quickly. The last thing I want is for her to sleep on this cold, hard floor, and I don't find it appealing myself, either. I tap her arm, and she wakes just enough for me to help her up onto my king-sized bed. There's plenty of room to lie far enough from her to keep her from feeling creeped out when she wakes up, but secretly, I'm delighted at seeing her in my bed. I allow myself one last gaze at her peaceful face—more peaceful than I've seen it in the short time I've known her—before I drift off to sleep.


	3. The Morning After

**A/N: Endless thanks to my dear RachelFish.**

**A good song for this chapter: "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears. **

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

She's there when I wake up in the morning, and I thank whatever lucky stars are watching that she didn't wake up in the middle of the night and sneak out_. _It feels wrong to lie here and stare while she's asleep, and my bladder is about to burst anyway. When I stand up and stretch, my legs are a little wobbly. I drank more than I realized last night, but it's not a bad hangover. _I just need a__bout a gallon of water and a greasy breakfast,_ I think as I walk toward my bathroom. I pee, brush my teeth, and gulp some water to get rid of a bad case of cotton mouth.

It's creepy, but I think I can feel Bella's presence just on the other side of the door. I don't know what the hell has happened to me over the last two weeks, but I'm obsessed with this poor girl, and she doesn't have a clue.

I blow out a deep breath and run a hand through my hair as I open the door. And there she is, sitting up among the pillows in last night's clothes, all sleep-rumpled and looking cuter than ever.

"Hey." My voice is a croak. "Good morning."

"Morning," she says, looking sheepish. "Sorry for falling asleep."

"Who apologizes for that? I fell asleep around the same time as you anyway. Otherwise I would've taken you to bed." I realize my misstep and try to backtrack yet again. "I—I mean I would've taken you to the guest room…" She giggles, and I grin through embarrassment. "Never mind."

She asks something, but I'm mesmerized by her form as she stretches her arms over her head. Her shirt rides up a little, exposing a curve of bare waist, and my eyes are drawn to higher curves that become more prominent as she arches her back.

Then she's waving an arm at me, and I have no idea what she's said. "Hello? Earth to Edward."

"What?" I feel like a kid caught with a piece of candy he wasn't supposed to have.

"Anyone else up yet?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so." I inhale through my nose, and a faint, burning smell invades my nostrils through the crack under my door. "I think someone's cooking breakfast."

"Um, who's cooking?"

"I don't know. I haven't been out—" Before I can get the words out, she leaps out of bed and pushes past me at lightning speed. I follow her to the kitchen to see her dump a scorched pan into the sink under the streaming water. I grab a dishtowel and wave it around to dissipate the smoke that fills the kitchen.

Emmett and Rose seem completely oblivious.

"What have I told you about trying to cook?" Bella asks her roommate.

"Not to?" answers Rose in a sheepish manner that doesn't seem like anything I've seen from her so far. "I couldn't help it. Emmett pulled out all the stuff, and I was hoping he knew what he was doing."

"What the hell happened in here?" I peer over Bella's shoulder to see charred bits sticking to the cast iron skillet. "You killed the bacon."

"Did you try to make anything else?" Bella asks as she scrapes the pan like a pro. I get the distinct feeling she's done this before.

"We made eggs." Emmett points at a plate on the counter that looks like something I wouldn't feed to a rat.

"Well, Rose, you've managed to meet someone as hopeless in the kitchen as you are," Bella says with a laugh.

"Ouch, Bella."

"Yeah, Bella. Ouch," Emmett repeats, wrapping his arms around Rose from behind.

"Morning, beautiful people." Alice stops and makes a disgusted face before she fully enters the kitchen. "What is that smell?"

"It _was_ bacon," I tell her. "The last of it, I think."

"Good. That gives us an excuse to go out for breakfast," she chirps.

"I should probably get home," Bella says hesitantly.

Her words make my shoulders sag, but Alice is my savior. "No way. You have to come with. I didn't get to talk to you last night after the whole Jake thing."

I clear my throat loudly before she can go any further. "Alice—"

"Oh!" She covers her mouth with her hands. "I'm sorry. I sometimes speak before thinking."

Bella waves a hand in the air. "It's not like it's a big secret."

"Bella, I promise you none of us knew Jake had a girlfriend," said Alice. "Otherwise, Edward never would have introduced him to Charlotte."

_Fuck. _

Bella turns her head quickly to me, and her eyes are filled with hurt when they meet mine. I feel like the world's biggest jackass."You… You introduced them?" Her voice makes her sound small and vulnerable.

"I…" I rub at my chest in an attempt to quell the ache that just appeared there. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. _No, I have no idea what this fool girl is talking about? _Finally, I settle on the truth, because she deserves that and more. "Yes. I didn't know how to tell you. I'm really sorry, Bella. I didn't know."

She nods and casts her eyes to the floor. I feel like I've let her down somehow. "It's okay," she says softly after an uncomfortable few seconds. "You had no way of knowing." But her posture is tense and guarded again.

"So, let's do breakfast then," Emmett says, defusing the situation as no one else can. "Waffle House?"

I'm not the only one who makes a noise of revulsion.

"Are you crazy?" asks Rose. "I don't eat that stuff during actual daylight hours."

"What is this crazy talk?" he asks with raised eyebrows.

She pretends to gag. "Waffle House is only good for drunken nights and all-nighters."

"I've never heard such utter nonsense."

"Em," Alice says, patting him on the back. "No. You're outvoted."

We eventually settle on the pancake place around the corner, but I have the distinct feeling that Bella would rather not join in.

"I probably look like crap," she says, rubbing at a spot of smudged makeup under her eye.

"You look fine," says Rose.

Someone else is talking, but I can't pay attention to anything but the aura of disappointment around Bella. It's my fault. It's because of me. I disappointed her.

She avoids me and starts toward the hallway bathroom but stops cold before she reaches it. That's the exact spot where last night's encounter took place. I catch up to her and try my best to atone.

"You're more than welcome to use my bathroom."

"Thanks," is all she says

"Towels and washcloths are on the shelf. There's an extra toothbrush in the middle drawer. Just call me if you need anything."

When she comes out a few minutes later, her face is pink and clean, and she seems more relaxed.

I sit on my bed, not knowing what to do or say. "I'm really sorry, Bella. I didn't know."

"I know you didn't." She graces me with a little smile. "Really, if he was as bored as he must've been with me, it would've happened one way or another."

"That's ridiculous. Is that what he told you? That he was bored?" It's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard. I cross to her and grab her hand before I know what I'm doing. "I don't think he deserves you. Even if I barely know you, I know you're far from boring. You're funny and kind and intelligent and…lovely. Don't ever let anyone make you feel less than that."

"I..." She pauses, and her shoulders drop a fraction of an inch. "Thank you, Edward."

"Don't thank me. It's the truth, and I think you need to hear it more often."

Her grin is back, and it fills me with hope that she doesn't blame me.

* * *

"Dude, that's all you're going to eat?" Emmett asks Bella, staring at her plate of French toast.

She looks up from her syrupy mess to regard him with a questioning look. "Yes?" It sounds more like a question than an answer.

"Not everyone has the appetite of an entire army, brother dear," Alice interjects.

Emmett could eat all day. He's always been that way, yet he somehow manages to stay fit. "I'm a growing boy," he says.

Bella casts a glance at me and catches me staring at her. She seems to have perked up, so I give her a friendly wink. _A wink_. Like a weirdo. "Welcome to mealtime with the Cullens," I say quickly to cover it up.

"My brother Jasper eats a ton," says Rose. "I think he has a hollow leg."

"Brother?" Alice asks, cocking an eyebrow. "Is he single? Is he cute?"

"He's both," Bella says, taking the reins. "Devastatingly handsome, actually."

I'm jealous for a moment, but then she bites her lip, ostensibly to keep from bursting into laughter.

"_Devastating_, you say? Rose, you should bring him around. It's only fair for Emmett to have to sweat it out like you had to before meeting us."

"He's in Paris right now, nursing a broken heart," Bella adds.

Alice is oblivious. "Poor thing."

"He's on a business trip," says Rose. "Stop torturing the poor girl."

Bella's eyes meet mine, and we both crack up.

"I like you, Bella" Emmett says, pointing a piece of bacon at Bella before stuffing it into his mouth. "You've got chutzpa."

"Trying to increase your vocabulary, Em? I'm proud of you." Alice and Emmett are constantly antagonizing each other. I'm glad my efforts to get out of the house more often have forced them to turn their teasing on to one another instead of ganging up on me, the lowly middle child.

"Do you have brothers and sisters, Bella?" Emmett asks later as we slouch in our seats, patting our over-full bellies and groaning about eating too much.

"She has a six-year-old brother," I say before she can speak up. "You should see pictures. Sweet kid."

Emmett turns to me with an odd look.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing. I was just wondering where you put your purse."

Bella snorts, and I can't keep a straight face. I love this trait of hers—this little amused, sarcastic snort.

"I mean he looks like a cool little kid."

"I love kids!" Alice exclaims. "Do we get to meet him?"

"Umm…sure?"

"We're taking him trick-or-treating for Halloween," says Rose.

There's a confused crease in Bella's forehead as she looks at Rose. "When did you decide that?"

"Don't be silly, Bella," she says with a wave of her hand. "You know he's like a little brother to me, too."

The atmosphere makes me feel like we've known each other forever. Like old friends. As I watch Bella gulp down a glass of water, I nudge her leg with my foot under the table, and she jumps and spills a few drops of water down her shirt.

I chuckle as she wipes her chin and dabs at her top. "You want to run with me today?"

"I want to, but I can't even _think_ about moving faster than a snail's pace right now," she says. "Raincheck? Maybe after a post-breakfast nap?"

I'm a little bit disappointed that time has flown by so quickly. I'm disconcerted by this obsession, and I don't know what to do with it. But I'll see her later, and that's all that matters in the world right now.

* * *

Once again, I feel like a stalker when I ring her doorbell hours later, but I don't have her phone number, and she said she wanted to run. She's on the phone when she opens the door, but she waves me in despite looking shocked to see me. When she ends her call and turns to me, I don't miss the fact that she's tugging on her very short pajama bottoms self-consciously. I'm flustered on the inside, but I try not to make it obvious that those shorts are doing things to me.

"Hey," I say. "Sorry to interrupt your call."

"It's okay," she says. "It was my mom. You gave me an excuse to end the ceaseless chatter."

I chuckle as she rolls her eyes. "I was gonna see if you still wanted to run, but I don't have your number."

"Um…yeah. I mean…yes, definitely," she says absently. "Sorry. I just woke up, and then Mom called. I'm still in a bit of a fog."

"No problem. I feel kind of bad for barging in on you. I can come back later if you want—"

"No!" Her quick interruption surprises me. "I mean it's okay. Just give me a minute to splash some water on my face and change my clothes."

I'm amused at her still tugging at the hem of her shorts as she backs out of the room.

"Sorry I couldn't warn you I was coming over," I call out to her. "I tried calling Emmett to get your number from Rose, but he didn't answer."

"Oh! I guess we need to exchange numbers then," she calls back.

I sit on the sofa to wait for her and flip through a magazine from the coffee table.

"Need tips on the new fall fashions?" she asks when she comes back into the living room, holding her running shoes and wearing a mocking expression.

"Actually, I think fall fashions come out in the spring…" I trail off, self-conscious at my rambling, and look up at her when she laughs. "My sister—fashion thing, remember?" I mumble at her goading.

"Uh-huh. Ready to go, Mr. Fashion?"

"Come on, now. Do I _really_ look fashionable to you?" I gesture at my shabby running clothes.

"Let's go then, Mr. Difficult."

"I prefer Cullen, thanks."

"Do you always have to have the last word?"

"Yes."

"Well, so do I, so that's going to be a problem," she says, shoving my shoulder.

We start to jog on her normal route, quiet at first as we hit our stride. "Did you have an okay time last night? I mean, I know it wasn't the best situation…" I ask once our pace is set.

"Yeah, I did. Despite seeing what I saw."

"I feel really guilty about that."

She cuts me off. "I really don't want to talk about it anymore."

"It's just that… I want you to know I never would've—"

"Edward!" she shouts, and it kind of startles me. "It's fine. You didn't know. The only party at fault is Jacob."

"Sorry," I say accidentally.

"Stop apologizing, Mr. Difficult."

"It's Cullen."

"First name 'Last Word'?"

"No, that's my middle name."

She does that adorable snort again. "Funny. It's mine too."

The conversation ebbs and flows during our trek down to the Battery and back, and the teasing and banter are still plentiful as we finish up our run.

"So," I say as I gulp down some water back at her house. "You talk in your sleep."

She sputters in her glass, and I pat her on the back in amusement as she coughs. With all the weirdness this morning, I completely forgot about hearing her sleeptalk when I woke up in the middle of the night.

"You okay?"

She nods. "What did I say?"

"It didn't make a whole lot of sense. There was something about zombies, then you starting moaning. I hope your brains didn't get eaten."

Recognition crosses her face. "There _were _zombies! I completely forgot about that."

"Did you get away from them?"

"Yes."

"And? The suspense is killing me."

"Well, the zombies were defeated, and we all lived happily ever after."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"What about the moaning part?"

"Um… I don't know. Maybe I rolled over on something in the middle of the night."

I raise an eyebrow at her. Something about her hesitation makes me think there's more to it than she's letting on. I really want to know what it is, but I let it go before she gets too embarrassed. "What are you doing the rest of the day?" I ask instead.

She blows out a breath and groans. "I have some homework to do."

"Could you possibly be persuaded _not_ to do homework?"

"You're a bad influence, aren't you?"

"If Rose is hanging out with Emmett today, I don't want to be home when… Ya know…"

She laughs. "Okay. So what do you want to do instead?"

I convince her to watch a movie with me, even though I know I should go home and shower and leave her alone. The teasing is good-natured, and I love that we've fallen into this quick and easygoing friendship.

When the movie's over, I know my time is up. "You're probably sick of me by now," I tell her.

"Nah, not too bad."

"How would you feel about grabbing some dinner with me, then?" _Christ_. I'm tired of my mouth opening before reason catches up with it. We've spent almost the whole day together, and I think I'm coming on too strong.

She shrugs. "Sure."

"Feel free to let go, now. Don't hold back your excitement on my account."

She bats her eyelashes in an exaggerated manner and amends her acceptance. "Yes, Edward Cullen. I'd love to go to dinner with you. It would make my week. Better?"

"Much. I'm going home for a shower." I purposely bump her shoulder as I start for the door.

"Wait! You still don't have my phone number."

"Oh, yeah," I say nonchalantly, yet I'm eternally grateful as we exchange numbers.

We agree to meet up in an hour, and I don't feel that odd emptiness when I leave her this time.

* * *

When I get home, Alice is grilling Rose about her brother again. I'm not sure why she's fixated on him. She doesn't know him from Adam. Then she starts to tell us about a dream she had when she fell asleep reading.

"Jasper was back from France, and you introduced us, and he put me in his car—it was an old but shiny one—and we drove to Wisconsin, of all places. Then the whole thing dissolved—you know how dreams do that—and we were in this crazy temple, where we were married by a Buddhist monk. But the monk had taken a vow of silence. Then we were suddenly married and wildly in love, and we moved back here and lived on a burrito farm."

"What the hell is a burrito farm?" I ask as we stare at her in confusion, still processing her fast-talk.

She shrugs. "I have no idea. I never actually saw the outside of whatever room we were in. I just knew it was a burrito farm."

I get up from the couch and kiss my sister on the top of her head. "I promise I won't let them commit you," I whisper loudly, and she huffs and yells something at me that I don't hear as I run to my room to shower.

* * *

At a Thai restaurant later that night, I watch Bella covertly over my menu. Everything about her is beautiful. The way she bites her lip and plays with her hair as she peruses the menu. The glow of her skin as the light from the candle flickers across her face. She looks up at me, and I grin at being caught staring at her. She doesn't seem to mind. Or maybe she doesn't notice.

The waiter comes to take our orders, and I take a long pull from my beer before leaning forward to be heard over the music and conversation and clinking of silverware and glasses. "You know," I say like we're cohorts in a scheme against the rest of the world, "when I got home this afternoon, Alice wouldn't stop badgering me."

Bella looks confused. "About what?"

"Rosalie's brother."

She laughs. "Why on earth is she so interested in Jasper? She's never even met him."

It's true, but Alice latches on to things sometimes. She heard one little detail about the guy, and suddenly she's infatuated. It's like she knows things. But I brush it off every time she gets like this. Obsessive. It occurs to me that I've been the very same thing lately, and I step right into her shoes and suddenly see things objectively.

I tell Bella about Alice's dream, and we laugh together at the oddity. She seems to open up more and more during dinner, and it makes me ridiculously happy. I love seeing her happy. Watching her throw her head back and laugh. Being the one she's laughing with. Or laughing _at_ on occasion. I'll happily laugh at myself if it means she'll keep smiling.


	4. The Nuisance

**A/N: Thanks to RachelFish for her eagle eyes. She's amazing! And if you're reading this, you're amazing too. :)**

**A good song for this chapter: "I Still Care For You" by Ray LaMontagne**

* * *

Over the three weeks leading up to Halloween, Bella slowly comes out of her depressed, semi-withdrawn state. We spend a lot of time together, going on runs and hanging out with Rose and my siblings. On Halloween night, I go with her to take her little brother trick-or-treating as promised. I love kids, but to be honest, I'd do anything to spend more time with Bella.

I don't know what I was expecting, but I get a huge kick out of this kid.

Benji's ecstatic to see Bella, and as soon as we walk through her parents' front door, her face lights up the same way it does when she talks about him. "Hey, little guy," she says as she hugs and kisses him.

"You mean Anakin," he says, backing away and gesturing to his costume before he wipes the kiss from his cheek. He notices me standing just behind Bella and regards me with wary eyes. "Who's that?"

"Benji—er, _Anakin_, this is my friend Edward. I told him about your costume, and he was so impressed that I invited him to come trick-or-treating with us. Is that okay?"

"That's some get-up, Anakin," I tell him. "Cool light saber."

This kid is amazingly astute for a six-year-old. He has me pegged right from the start. "Bella, do you think Jake would approve of this?" Then he surprises the hell out of me by raising an eyebrow first at his sister and then at me. He's the spitting image of Bella when he does that.

"Uh," she says, "Well, Jake isn't—"

The sound of a throat clearing comes from nearby, and we look up to see a woman who also favors Bella standing across the room. She shakes her head slightly and gestures into another adjoining room.

Bella flounders, and I swoop in with a diversion tactic. "So does that light saber really work?" I ask Benji, crouching down to his eye level.

"Yeah!" he says, pressing a button and making it glow a brilliant blue. "It makes sound, too." He presses another button, and it hums just like in the movies.

"Wow," I say, actually kind of impressed. "Way cooler than the one I had when I was a kid." I make a show of looking around to make sure no one's listening. "I'm kind of jealous."

Benji laughs, and I think he approves of me. "You can hold it if you want. Just don't break it."

Bella's mom comes back into the living room then, and I stand to offer her my hand. "Mrs. Swan, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Edward Cullen."

"Likewise, Edward. And please, call me Renee. I've heard a lot about you."

My ears perk up. I'm insanely curious to know exactly what she's heard, and her next words tell me she knows Bella confides in me.

"Bella had to step outside. A little problem in the kitchen." She looks down at Benji, who's preoccupied with his light saber. "Jake showed up," she whispers.

My whole body tenses. How can he just show up here after all he's done to her? When Mrs. Swan puts her hand on my arm, I know my anger is obvious. I've always been an open book.

"They're out back talking. Would you like to have a seat?"

I nod and do my best to unclench my fists and jaw as we make our way over to the couch.

"Can I offer you anything to drink?" she asks.

"No, but thank you." I can only think about what Bella's suffering through outside.

"Hey, Benji—" Renee starts.

"It's _Anakin_," he interrupts huffily. "How many times do I have to tell you people?"

"Hey. Watch it, young man. So, Anakin, did you let Edward in on the plan of attack for tonight?" She turns back to me. "He's been planning for days. I believe he's even drawn a map."

"I did!" Benji's face brightens, and he runs out of the room, returning quickly with a map drawn in crayon. He begins to describe his plan in detail. "Dad helped me before he left for work. He said I needed to hoptimize my candy collection."

"Optimize. And I hope you don't think you're eating bunches of candy tonight," Renee says in a commanding Mom Voice—the one that can make you feel three inches tall no matter how old you are.

"Aw, Mom!" he protests. "I promise it won't make me hyper."

A laugh comes from behind us, and I stand immediately to face Bella, who appears much calmer than I expect.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

She nods and smiles softly. "It's fine. Benji, are you ready?"

"Uh, I think he's been ready since he got up this morning. Right, Anakin?"

"Yes," he says, turning finely honed puppy dog eyes to Bella. "Please can we go now?"

Before she can answer, Jake comes in behind her, and I have to force my hands not to ball up into fists again. _Fucker_, I think before I can stop there's no reason for me to be angry. He looks defeated with his head ducked and shoulders hunched over.

Jake hugs Renee and Benji and shoots me a glare that I choose to ignore. He has no reason to be angry with me. I look to Bella for answers, but she just shrugs. Once he's out the door and down the driveway, Renee starts in.

"Bella, what did you do to that poor boy?" she asks in shock.

Bella turns ten shades of red.

_This is it, _I think. _The final straw. She's finally going to break. _I grab Benji and bribe him out the door. "Come, young padawan. Let's get a head start on the candy-grabbing."

"Why is Jacob so sad?" Benji asks as we walk down the long driveway.

"Uh, I'm not sure," I say. It's the truth. That asshole has no right to be upset. "So where do you want to start?"

We trek from house to house, and he talks my ear off and asks me surprising questions, like whether I like science like Bella does, and what kind of books I like to read. His bag is half-full by the time a police officer with a wicked mustache approaches us.

"Dad!" Benji shouts and runs to him.

"Hey, son," he says, reaching down to muss his hair. "How's the collection going? Saving all the good stuff for your old man?"

"Only the Whoppers. I hate those things," says Benji. "Dad, have you met my friend Edward?"

I have to hold back a snort. This kid is too much.

"No, I haven't met Edward." The only thing that rivals the Mom Voice is the Dad Stare, and that's the one Mr. Swan is giving me right now. I've only been privy to the Dad Stare once—the only time I was ever serious enough about a girl to meet her parents. But I've seen my dad use it on Alice's boyfriends countless times.

"Mr. Swan," I say, holding a hand out for him to shake. "I'm a friend of Bella's. Edward Cullen." I try hard not to roll my eyes at myself.

"That right?" he says. It's _all_ he says.

I have no idea where to go from there. But Benji doesn't allow for awkward silences. "Dad, the Hales gave me my own special treat!" He produces the candy apple he got three houses ago. I thought the woman looked familiar, and now that I hear the name _Hale_, I know right away that she's Rose's mom.

"That's nice of them," says Mr. Swan. He pats Benji on the head. He doesn't seem like a man of many words. "So, Edward, you go to school with Bells?"

For a second, I'm not sure what he means when he says _bells_, but I grin when I realize it's a nickname for his daughter. "Yeah. I mean yes, sir. We don't have any classes together, but yeah, I go to C of C."

He nods once, and his mustache twitches.

"Are you gonna trick-or-treat with us now, Dad?" Benji asks as he unwraps a piece of chocolate.

"Sorry, Anakin. I've got to get back to work. But I expect a full report on your candy haul later. Save a couple of Gobstoppers for me?"

"Yes, Chief!" Benji says through a mouthful of chocolate.

* * *

Bella joins us soon after her dad leaves. "I thought you guys would be farther than this by now!" she exclaims as she jogs over and tousles Benji's hair.

"Shh! I'm using Jedi mind tricks to get more candy."

"Ah, I see. I suppose that eats up a lot of time," she says with a giggle.

As Benji speeds off up the next driveway, she starts to follow him, but I touch her elbow to pull her back. "Are you okay?"

She sighs heavily but keeps a slight smile on her face. "Yeah."

She still won't let me in. Even as we grow closer, she refuses to talk about things. I'm pretty sure she doesn't talk to Rosalie either since she's been spending the majority of her time with Emmett. "Let me guess. You don't want to talk about it." I grin to take the sting out of the words.

"You know me so well," she says with a bigger smile, obviously relieved when I don't press the issue.

We walk farther down the street, and Benji gets more and more hyper with every handful of candy. I wonder idly if he's sneaking pieces. When he takes off down another driveway to join a group of kids, I notice Bella looking all red again.

"Bella, are you sure you're all right? You look a little flushed."

I'm surprised when she actually responds with something other than her usual _I'm fine_.

"I'm just so angry," she says quietly.

My heart hurts for her. I pull her into my side. "It's okay to be angry."

She takes a deep breath. "But I don't want to be. I don't want to be that resentful, cynical girl that got dumped."

I spin her around to face me, and I suddenly can't stop the words that seem to come tumbling out of their own volition. "You're not, Bella. You couldn't be further from that. I've said it before, but he didn't deserve you. Anyone lucky enough to have someone as wonderful and…just..._beautiful_ as you are and not appreciate it is just…stupid."

She looks shocked and is silent for a minute before whispering, "You think I'm beautiful?"

_Beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, sexy as hell…and I think I love you. _I want to say it all, but she's nowhere near ready for that. As much as I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm very surprised she doesn't know.

"Well, yeah," was all I could say in the end. She just stares at me with an unreadable expression on her face. _Shit. She has no idea._

"Hey, it's that song I heard the first time I was in your car. Band of Horses?" Bella says when we're in my car, driving back to her house downtown.

"Oh, yeah. I made this CD for you. I stuck it in here so I would remember to give it to you."

"You made it for me?" she asks.

"Yeah. I was listening to my iPod one day and this song came on, and I remembered you liking it…that day. So I thought I'd put it on a CD for you."

She grins at me in this way that makes me want to burn a thousand more CDs for her, which is so stupid of me. "Thanks. No one's ever made me a mix tape before."

I laugh for the first time since my case of word vomit a couple of hours ago. "Classic. I wish I'd found an actual cassette tape."

We fall back into our usual banter, chatting and laughing until we reach her house.

"Did you want to come up and hang out for a while?" she asks as she opens the car door.

For the first time, I'm okay with leaving her. I just need to think. "Actually, I'm kind of tired. I think I'm gonna go home and hit the hay."

"Hit the hay? What are you, sixty?"

"Yes. I'm a very young-looking sixty. Run tomorrow?"

"Of course," she says softly and smiles at me before climbing out of the car and leaning back down to talk. "Is nine okay?"

"Nine's perfect," I say, and I know I'm being less than lustrous in my conversation skills tonight.

"Okay," she says with a look of what seems like concern.

We say good night, and as I drive away, I try to figure out why I suddenly have such a heavy heart.


	5. The Clash

**A/N: Thanks as always to RachelFish. One day, I will give her the best hug ever. And thank YOU for reading my words. **

**A good song for this chapter: "Headlights Look Like Diamonds" by Arcade Fire**

* * *

As Bella and I start our run the next morning, I know there's something wrong. I could tell the moment she opened the door. I try to ask, but of course she doesn't want to talk about it. It's getting really old.

I keep glancing over at her as we jog down Meeting Street. She's stuck inside her head again. That's why I'm shocked when she blurts out the thing she says when we're halfway to the Battery.

"He said he was sorry."

"Who?" I ask without thinking. _Oh._

"I woke up to thirty-seven emails on my phone this morning, and I'm pretty sure they're all from him."

I have to press my lips together to keep from cursing out loud. But in my head, I call him every name in the book. Once I'm sure I can keep my cool, I decide it's time. A little prodding is in order. Whether she knows it or not, she needs it. "Please tell me if I'm overstepping my boundaries here, but what does he want from you?"

"I didn't read the emails."

"What about last night?"

"What about it?"

Apparently I can't keep my cool after all. My breath leaves my lungs in a sound that's harsher than I intend. I slow to a jog before stopping altogether, hands on my hips, chest heaving from labored breathing and trying to keep my frustration reined in. "Bella, you can't keep doing this."

She stops and turns to look at me. "Doing what?"

"That!" I take another breath to keep from yelling, because I know I sound gruff. "You can't keep everything bottled up inside and evade every question. 'I'm fine' only works for so long. You're so closed off to everyone."

A myriad of emotions flash across her face. Shock, confusion, hurt, and—worst of all—anger. "I thought…" Her voice breaks slightly. "Edward, you were supposed to be the one person in my life that doesn't bother me about all this stuff."

My blood simmers in my veins as we stand there looking at one another in shock. "I'm sorry," I say in a strained voice. "I didn't realize I was _bothering_ you."

The look behind her eyes is troubled, regretful. "Edward, I—"

I hold up a hand to stop her before she can go any further. I'm tired of keeping everything in. Tired of checking my emotions and opinions at the door. I don't know how she does it all the damn time. "No, it's fine. I don't want to bother you anymore. Let's finish this run."

"That's not what I meant," she says quietly, not meeting my eyes.

My frustration grows. I close my eyes, gather the bit of patience I have left, and take a leap of faith. "I want you to be able to open up to me, Bella. For the past month, I've been watching you war with yourself. You might think you're good at hiding it, but it shows all over your face. You think this is all your fault. You feel like you're not good enough."

Finally, _finally, _I get a reaction out of her that's neither passive nor detached.

"Don't tell me how I feel!" she yells. Her voice is angry, but it's clear that she's holding back tears. "You have no idea what it's been like. My entire life changed in the five minutes it took for him to dump me. I was in shock. Even now, when I see something that reminds me of what we had, I feel like there's a hole in my heart. But when you're around, Edward—" She stops and covers her hand with her mouth as the tears fall. "You make me forget about things. You distract me from it all. You're… You're the best friend I've had in a long time.

And fuck if I don't feel like an ass for upsetting her, but I want her to open up, to show some sort of emotion. I pull her to my chest, hugging her tightly and resting my chin on the top of her head. "I'm sorry." I sigh. "I just hate to see you like this."

There's no mirth in her short laugh. "I feel like this is the only way you've ever seen me."

I laugh too, though there's no trace of humor in mine either. "It's understandable."

She pulls away much more quickly than I'm ready for and swipes at her tears. "I just want to move past this so badly. I'm not even sad anymore. I'm just angry."

My heart clenches. "I know you are. I wish there were something I could do to help."

She gives me a watery smile. "You've done so much, Edward."

To me, it's nothing. I want to do much more, be so much more to her. As we stand here together, I watch her close herself off again. Her body language goes back to the tense posture she holds when she deems a subject closed for discussion. I feel my own shoulders and jaw tense in response. And we're back to this. As soon as I think we're making some headway…

"Want to head back?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say, sighing. "Let's walk for a bit." I'm in no mood to run. My chest is tight, and my head is starting to pound. There's an edge to the silence that falls over us. So I'm unnerved and a little pissed off when she tries to lighten the mood with small talk.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Big family dinner and all that?"

I nod and tell her about the dinner my parents host every year. I try not to let irritation come through in my tone, but I doubt I'm succeeding. I ask about her plans, and she tells me that her parents usually a dinner too, but on a smaller scale. It sounds much more pleasant than the hubbub and noise at my parents' house. Plus, Bella won't be there. Even if I'm frustrated with her, I always want her there.

She sighs heavily and asks if I'm ready to pick up the pace again. I turn my head to see a somewhat panicked look on her face. I know why she wants to run. She wants to run away from whatever's inside that beautiful head of hers. I don't want to watch her fight herself anymore. "Uh, shin splints," I lie. "You go ahead, though."

She doesn't say goodbye. She just looks at me with regret, turns, and runs. She's good at that.

* * *

I slam the front door harder than I intend when I get home. Emmett and Rose sit on the couch watching football, but the loud noise from the door catches their attention.

"Dude, what's up?" says Emmett.

"Don't ask."

"Bella?" Rose sits up and gives me a sympathetic look. She knows how I feel. She's been here. Maybe not in the same way, but she knows.

"Why is she so broken up over that asshole?" I yell, letting my anger loose.

The only movement Emmett makes is to raise his beer bottle up to his lips again.

"Because they were together a long time," Rose offers. "It takes a while to get over stuff like that sometimes."

I shake my head and collapse in the recliner. "I know that. I just wish she'd talk to me."

"She doesn't even talk to Rosalie, bro. What makes you think she'd talk to you?"

Rose gazes at Emmett in a lovesick way before she nods and turns back to me. "She has to deal with things on her own, Edward. She'll come around eventually."

The truth hurts. Maybe she doesn't feel as close to me as I do with her. I shrug and run a hand through my hair.

"You know what I think?" Emmett asks.

I laugh, but it sounds more angry than anything else. "God only knows what you're thinking, Emmett."

"I think we need to go out to some hole in the wall and just get trashed."

I start to say no, but when I consider the prospect… I think I need it. "Actually, that sounds like a very good idea," I tell him.

"All right!" he says, and his expression tells me he was fully expecting me to say no. He sits up and rubs his hands together, but he seems to have a second thought when he looks back at Rosalie. "If that's okay with you, I mean."

"What?" she scoffs. "That's nonsense. Go out with your brother."

He leans forward and kisses her on the nose. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

I look away and just seethe. My mood isn't going to improve being around these two. "I'm going to shower and—I don't know. Take a nap or something."

"Rest up, bro. We're partying it up tonight!" Emmett calls after me with a loud laugh.

* * *

"Partying it up" is not nearly the phrase to describe what we do that night. We go to Big John's Tavern. A definite hole in the wall, but a historical one, because there isn't anything in this city that's not historical or completely touristy.

"That guy's such an asshole," I slur. "And you know what the worst part of it is? The worst part is that it's all my fault."

Emmett slams his empty glass down on the bar and gestures to the bartender for another shot of whiskey. "How the fuck is anything your fault?"

"I introduced that fucker to Charlotte!"

"Yeah? So? That doesn't make it your fault. He made a poor decision that he has to live with."

"Yeah, well, Bella has to live with it, too."

"You gotta stop that, man. You can't do anything to make her better. Accept it and move on."

"I can't move on," I mutter before knocking back my own shot.

"I don't mean move on completely. We all know there's more between you than either of you lets on."

I jerk my head around to look at him, which makes me dizzy, and I feel like I might fall off the barstool.

"Easy there, little brother," Emmett says. "I just meant that you have to let her deal with her crap on her own. You can't fix it."

I rest my forehead on the bar briefly. Some loud music starts up, and Emmett taps me on the shoulder.

"Dude, watch this shit," he says.

A girl in ridiculous high heels climbs on top of the bar. She's so wobbly on her stupid shoes that I'm surprised they let her up there. I know what's going on, and I groan. This bar has bras in all shapes, sizes, and colors hanging from the ceiling. It's a crass tradition. Girls get up on the bar, take off their bras, and hang them from the ceiling all for some stupid t-shirt. I avert my eyes, embarrassed for the girl, even if she shows nothing but complete confidence.

Emmett grins lazily. He knows what I'm thinking. "You wouldn't think it was pathetic if it was Bella's tits you were seeing."

"Shut up," I mumble. I won't say I haven't thought about Bella that way, because God knows I have…many times.

"Just sayin'."

We down a few more beers. I don't even remember how we get home until I find the note on my bedside table from Alice the next morning.

_She's confused. Give her some time. She'll come around. There's some ibuprofen and Vitamin Water on your bathroom sink. Love you!_

_Alice_

* * *

When my head stops pounding and I can actually think clearly, I formulate a plan. Bella needs space. I need a little patience. If that's all I can give her right now, I'll do it.

So I decide that maybe a little time apart will do some good. To tell the truth, I'm still a little miffed at her comment about me "bothering" her. In the heat of the moment, that one little word dug its claws deep into my restraint. I've been there for her since day one, and it's been so easy up until now. I've been the faithful friend and listener, the one friend who's refrained from giving her advice or insisting that I know what's best for her. And the one time I try to get her to talk to me, I'm _bothering_ her. I hate that word. My chest starts to tighten slightly as I think of it again.

Yeah, a little time is exactly what we both need.

So when she calls me on Monday to see if I'm running, I tell her I already have, and that I really have to finish writing my poli-sci paper. We don't talk for the rest of the week. I try my best not to brood like Alice says I've been doing. I go to classes, write papers, and take my runs on the beach instead of downtown.

By Friday, I've had enough of my moping and figure out that I'm being an even bigger bastard by implementing this "space" thing for both of us. Rose's brother Jasper is back from Paris, so the six of us are meeting up for dinner tonight. While I sort of want it to be just Bella and me, it's the perfect opportunity to test the waters and see whether she's angry with me. I can't stand that thought. Or the thought that I've hurt her in some way. We haven't talked since Monday.

I tell myself I'm being an ass and make a side trip to a florist on my way home from school.

By the time I step outside of the flower shop, I shake my head and wonder when the hell flowers became such a complicated thing. Whatever happened to just buying a thing of roses or something? At the florist's insistence, I picked pink tulips, which apparently mean deep caring. I doubt Bella will know that. Who knows that kind of thing?

I have to admit, though, that they're the perfect representation of Bella and everything I feel for her. I scribble a quick note to tuck in with the flowers, then drive to her house and quickly place them on her doorstep and leave before anyone sees. Who knows? Maybe she does know a little something about what flowers stand for. It's a long shot, but part of me hopes she does.


	6. The Reunion

**A/N: Endless thanks to RachelFish for her help! And thank you ever so much for reading. **

**A good song for this chapter: "The Weather" by Built to Spill**

* * *

I decide to drive myself to dinner instead of riding with Emmett and Rose, hoping to get some time to talk to Bella afterward and explain things. They're all seated by the time I get to the restaurant. When I see Bella looking up and talking to the waiter, my breath catches in my throat. Is it possible she's grown even more beautiful in the span of a week?

Her hair is down around her shoulders, all soft and slightly curled at the ends. Her arms are bare, and—_God help me_—I can see the soft swell of cleavage peeking slightly over her top.

She looks up as I make my way toward the table, and I watch in surprise as her eyes roam over me. I'm nervous about what her reaction will be, but when our eyes meet, we both break out into comfortable, relieved smiles. All my tension melts away.

"Bella," I say as I approach the table. I want to tell her how beautiful she looks, but the waiter asks for my drink order before I can sit down. I quickly order a beer and turn back to her.

"Thank you for the flowers," she says.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry for acting the way I did," I say. My contrition is real and deep.

"I'm sorry, too."

I want to tell her not to apologize, but I remember my new plan to be patient and let the chips fall where they may.

"Edward!" Alice chirps across the table. "This is Jasper." The blond guy sitting next to her has an easy grin, and it's obvious that he and Rose are cut from the same cloth. He reaches over to shake my hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Edward. I've heard great things about you from Rose and Bella."

"Is that so?" I glance at Bella from the corner of my eye, and even in the dim light I can tell she's blushing. "Well, it's nice to finally meet you."

With pleasantries exchanged, the talk turns to news and gossip. Jasper mentions that he's looking into buying a house. Then my sister bombards him with questions about Paris. She looks awfully cozy, putting her hands on his arm and giggling at everything. I know she's been waiting weeks, but she just met the guy, for crying out loud. They must have hit it off, though, because he beams right back at her.

I turn to Bella again, who wears a smirk and a raised eyebrow as she brings her wine glass to her lovely pink lips and sips. Every damn thing she does is sexy. I want to grab her hand, drag her outside, press her against the building, kiss her until we're both breathless… I down a glass of ice water quickly and turn my attention to the food that's just arrived. By the time the bill comes, I'm more than ready to get out of here.

When we're all finished and standing outside on the sidewalk, I start to ask her if she'll leave with me, but her eyes have taken on a sad expression. She smiles softly, but it's not real.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing," she says, standing up straighter. "I had a good time."

I don't buy it. "Take a walk with me?"

A crease appears between her eyebrows, and she cocks her head to the side. "I thought you had somewhere to be. Emmett said you drove yourself because you had something to do after dinner."

_Silly Bella_. I know exactly what she thinks. I bump her shoulder with mine. "I just wanted to spend some time with you without everyone else around. Maybe talk a little." I'm a little afraid she'll beg off—especially after the way our last talk ended—but she relents. We tell the others goodbye and walk down East Bay toward the park on the waterfront, keeping the conversation light. We quietly make fun of frat boys drooling over scantily clad girls in front of the nightclubs and bars that line the street.

When we reach the park, we keep walking, making our way down the long pier. A breeze blows off the water, and she shivers next to me. "Cold?" I ask and take a chance and put my arm around her shoulders. A tingling warmth spreads all the way up my arm into the middle of my chest.

We make a little more small talk about the weather, which is ridiculous, because we never make small talk. When we reach the end of the pier and have no more diversions, I muster up the courage to tell her a few things.

She beats me to it. "I really missed you this week," she whispers, leaning into my side.

I squeeze my arm around her. "Me too." It's quiet for a few seconds while I try to find words. "Look, Bella. I'm really sorry I tried to push you into talking about things you weren't ready to talk about. It was selfish of me. I never want you to feel uncomfortable with me. I don't want our friendship to feel forced. But I also want you to feel like you can talk to me about things."

"I already do," she says. "I've been thinking a lot this week, too. I know it's not healthy to bottle everything up inside." She doesn't meet my eyes, just stares out across the water while the lights twinkle on its smooth, dark surface. "I realize it hurts my friends when I shut them out. I'm really sorry for that."

I watch her blink and sigh, but she won't face me. She swallows thickly and gets up to lean against the railing. "Did Alice tell you we had a photograph burning party?"

I can't stop the laugh that bubbles up. "You burned pictures?"

"Technically, we ran them through the paper shredder." She finally turns to face me again, and a small smile lights up her pretty face. "I thought it was silly at first, but it was kind of cathartic. And I deleted all those stupid emails without even reading them. I'm finished with sadness and anger."

It's amazing to hear her speak those words. I stand and lean against the railing next to her. "I'm so happy to hear that, Bella."

She's quiet, contemplative, and I can't stand the silence. I want to know more about what she's been doing all week. "How's it been living with Jasper?" I ask to break the heaviness. "He seems like a nice guy." _A lucky guy. _Even though I know she thinks of him as a brother, I'm a little bit jealous.

"He is. And he is an amazing cook." She groans and licks her lips, and I can't stop the images that flood my head.

"I've been known to cook up a good meal or two in my time," I tell her. "How about I cook for you sometime?"

"Edward Cullen, are you jealous of my cook-slash-manservant?"

"Oh, so he's a manservant now?"

"He's been doing a lot of housekeeping since he feels bad about forcing Rose out of her room."

I can't keep myself from snorting in amusement. "Like it's such a hardship for Rose. Suffice it to say I've started wearing earbuds to bed."

She laughs. It's a real, honest-to-goodness happy sound, and I love it.

"It's so good to hear you laugh like that." I reach up to brush away a piece of hair that blows across her face in the breeze.

"Well…thanks, I guess. It feels good to laugh like that." She shivers again and pulls her jacket tighter around her.

"Ready to go home?"

"Yeah," she says.

We walk slowly back to my car, laughing again at the drunk people ambling up and down the street.

"Are you still running in the mornings?" I ask as I open the car door for her.

"I've been going in the afternoon," she says with a shake of her head. "Morning have been too cold this week."

"Are you sure it's not to avoid me?" I tease, but I also sort of mean it.

"I think you were the one avoiding me," she counters when we're both settled into our seats. There's a trace of annoyance in her voice.

"You're right. And I'm sorry."

"Let's stop apologizing, okay? Let's call a truce and just get on with it."

I nod and contemplate the words she's chosen. As we drive toward her house, I'm sad that the evening is coming to an end. "Do you want to run tomorrow afternoon?" I ask just to break the silence.

"Absolutely," she says. "It's been sort of boring without my running partner."

We talk about Alice and Jasper on the way home, and how Jasper didn't really want to go to dinner in the first place. But he apparently changed his mind when he saw my sister. Bella keeps giggling, but she won't tell me why. I have a feeling I don't really want to know what she's thinking, but I ask her anyway.

"Nothing," she says quickly. "Hey, do you want to come up and watch a movie or something? You know, so you don't have to go home and be the fifth wheel."

It's more than a casual offer. This simple question erases everything I've felt over the last week, and I know she's telling me everything's okay. I imagine the smile that takes over my face probably looks pretty goofy. "Definitely."

We go upstairs and settle in on the couch to watch _Casablanca_—her favorite. It's a good movie, but it's even better because I'm with her. She falls asleep at some point during the movie, and I tuck a blanket around her gently. She looks so sweet and peaceful that I can't bear to wake her. She lies there next to me, all curled up on her side with her hands drawn in close to her chest. I've never seen her so at peace as she is in sleep. Something makes a corner of her mouth turn up in a half-smile, and I wonder if she's faking sleep.

"Bella?" I whisper, but she doesn't answer. I run my fingers through her hair and wonder what she's dreaming about. When the movie's over and there's no more reason for me to stay, I pick her up and carry her to her room, putting her down in the middle of the bed and tucking the blanket around her again. She doesn't even stir.

I write her a quick note and place it on the bed next to her, lingering over her, wanting so badly to press a kiss to her cheek—or even better, her lips. I battle with myself before finally pressing a light kiss to the top of her head.

"Good night, Bella," I whisper softly. "Sweet dreams."


	7. The Revelation

**A/N: RachelFish, je t'adore. And I love my readers, too. Thanks for the faves, follows, and reviews. **

**A good song for this chapter: "By Your Side" by Beachwood Sparks**

* * *

I think about Bella all the time. It's no big surprise that she ends up in my dreams every now and then. But this is the first time she's starred in one that wakes me up all hot and bothered.

"Christ," I say to my empty bedroom, scrubbing my hands over my face and through my hair. _Damn_, I wish she were here. But my present state makes me glad I didn't stay with her last night. Part of me wants to close my eyes and try to get back to that place I just emerged from. My mind wanders back to blurry images of her hovering over me, naked but hazy as her lips roam my body and I discover her dips and curves. I vaguely know what I'm doing as my hand drifts downward, and I wish with everything in me that it were hers. It doesn't take long. I'm on the verge from the beginning, and when it's over, I feel consumed, drunk on my fantasies of her, and a little bit guilty.

My phone rings less than a minute after I return from cleaning up in my bathroom, and I somehow know it's her. My face is hot with embarrassment, but I answer, aware that there's no way for her to know what I've been thinking.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey, Bella. I was just thinking about you," I say. I wince but go on before she can ask what I was thinking. "Did you find my note?"

"I did. I'm sorry for falling asleep. You could've stayed, you know."

"I don't think that would've been such a good idea."

"Why not?"

"It's just… I wasn't sure what you'd think if I was still there when you woke up." There's a lapse in conversation, and I wonder what's going through her head. "I enjoyed spending time with you last night," I say to prod her forward.

"Me too. I didn't talk in my sleep again, did I?"

"Not this time, unfortunately." I sort of wish she had. I'd love to know what's been going through her head lately—especially after that look she gave me when I entered the restaurant last night.

"So what are you doing today?" she asks.

I sigh as I remember that there are plans I really don't want to follow through on. "I guess Emmett and I are golfing with my dad and uncle. At least that's what I've been told."

"Are all your weekends planned out by your family?"

"Sometimes. What are your plans for the day?"

"Shopping with Rose and Alice."

I'm suddenly thankful for golf, even though I don't care for it much. Shopping with Alice is horrible. I can only imagine what it would be like with Rose added to the mix. "Sounds like a blast."

"I'm actually interested to hear about the rest of their evening," she says. "And it'll be nice not to do my Christmas shopping at the last minute for once."

"Oh yeah? What are you going to get me?" I tease.

"Hmm. You'll have to wait and see. I have to get some studying done before I'm whisked away by your sister and future sister-in-law."

That word sticks out like a red flag. "Better not let Emmett hear you talking like that."

"I dunno. Rose seems to think it's pretty serious."

"I'm kidding," I say. Em's been different lately. I'm sure he thinks it's pretty serious too. We make plans to meet for a run later, and when I hang up, I throw myself back down on the bed, thinking of a different kind of cardio I'd like to do with her.

* * *

Our run doesn't happen that afternoon. Golf runs long, and Bella calls to say she's too tired after marathon shopping anyway, but she'll see me at dinner tonight. The six of us are getting together again. I suspect it's just because Alice just wants to see Jasper again. But I guess it'll be good to get to know him if he's going to be dating my little sister. Which, after their weird and instant infatuation last night, I'm 99% sure will happen.

I'm partly grateful that Bella cancelled on me. Golfing with my dad and uncle is torturous. Not only do they take the game way too seriously, but they also joined in on Emmett's teasing when they heard about Bella.

When she shows up at the front door later, my heart skips a beat. She's just wearing jeans and a flowy shirt, but she manages to look as sensual as ever. I tuck my lust back where it belongs and bring her in for a friendly hug.

Instead of ordering takeout like we always do, Jasper cooks for all of us, and I understand why Bella loves having him around the house. Emmett is so taken with Jasper's food that he enlists him to cook Thanksgiving dinner at my parents' house.

"Hey, I don't mind at all," says Jasper, "but I'm sure your mom wouldn't like me taking over her home."

"She wouldn't," I tell him. "She's a control freak when it comes to her kitchen."

"She's a control freak when it comes to most things," Emmett jokes.

Rose shoots him a sappy look. "But you love her guts. You know you're a mama's boy."

"I never claimed not to be."

"The oldest, yet the clingiest," says Alice. "He used to hold her hand everywhere we went."

"It got really embarrassing once he hit high school," I interject.

"Shut it. I did not," Emmett grumbles. "Anyway, I'm not the one who slept with a blankie until I was in eleventh grade, _Edward_."

Bella, who's kept out of the ribbing, giggles next to me. "You did not!"

I know I'm blushing, because it's true. But it wasn't a _blankie_. It was just really soft. Being the middle child, I know defense is useless, so I go for retaliation. "Alice carried a stuffed kitten around everywhere she went."

Alice isn't fazed at all. "I'm a girl. It's okay for girls to do that."

"Bella still sleeps with a teddy bear," says Rose.

Bella's jaw drops as she turns to her. "Since when am I subject to this sibling rivalry?" she asks. "Anyway, I'm not ashamed to admit I sleep with a teddy bear. I've had it my entire life, and there's no way I'm getting rid of it. It just sits on my bed next to my pillow. It's not like I snuggle with it."

"I think it's cute," I say with my best charming smile.

She leans her forehead on the table. "Ugh. I don't even have any embarrassing dirt on Rose or Jasper."

"I think that's enough teasing," Jasper blurts, interrupting whatever Rose is about to say. "How about we crack open some beers and play some cards or something?"

During a game of Phase 10, we talk about Thanksgiving plans. Bella mentions some trip to Disney World, and my hopes of spending time with her start to sink. But then she says she's not going, and I jump at the chance.

"If you don't go, you can come celebrate Thanksgiving with us," I say, trying to keep my delight to a minimum as everyone goes back to the game.

She gives me a curious look. "I've got a lot of studying to do over the break."

"You can't _not_ have Thanksgiving dinner," I tell her. "Just come for a little while. I promise I'll make sure you have plenty of time for homework."

She narrows her eyes and seems to think for a few seconds before she finally agrees, and I'm not sure why, but I'm over the moon that she'll be spending a holiday with my family.

* * *

"I'm so excited to meet everyone," my mom, Esmé, gushes as I help her set out dish upon dish of turkey, steaming casseroles, and mouth-watering pies a couple of weeks later. "Especially your Bella."

I groan as she looks up from rearranging a centerpiece and winks at me. "Mom, please."

"What?" she says innocently. "You never bring girls home. I just want to see what's so special about this one."

"Look. She's…really important to me, okay? But please—_please_, Mom—don't make her feel uncomfortable. There's nothing between us but friendship."

"Yet," she goads and lifts up on her toes to kiss my cheek.

"Please," I say again, leveling her with a look that means business.

She gives me her most genuine smile—not one of those _I'm humoring you because I'm your mom and I love you_ smiles—and promises not to say anything beyond friendly conversation.

I go back to the living room and wander from relative to friend and back again, but when I see Bella standing near the front door, I only have eyes for her. She looks…glowy. Her dress, her hair—she looks so soft and warm. I cross the large living room in about three strides and wrap my arms around her.

"You look gorgeous," I say into her ear.

Color rises on her cheeks as she thanks me. "You look nice, too," she says, seeming flustered, then raises a bottle. "I brought wine."

I chuckle and take the bottle before leading her into the kitchen. Mom spies us right away, and there's no putting it off. I start to give Bella an apologetic look, but she's already smiling at my mother. "Uh, Mom, I'd like you to meet Bella Swan. Bella, this is my mom, Esmé."

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen," Bella says. She puts her hand out, but Mom pulls her into a hug instead.

"It's lovely to finally meet you too, Bella. I've heard so much about you. And please call me Esme." She pauses for just a second, then smirks and adds, "You're just as pretty as Edward described."

_Oh, Jesus_. I run a hand through my hair, my nervous tell, but I can't help it. I avoid Bella's gaze and look around for a distraction. "Dad is somewhere around here..." I mumble.

He doesn't disappoint. "Here I am," he says, popping up behind my mom out of nowhere.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen," Bella says in a shy way.

"It's Carlisle," he tells her. My parents have never been big on formality. "Bella, it's wonderful to meet you. We've heard a lot of great things about you."

"So I've heard," she says and gives me a pointed look, adding sufficiently to my mortification.

They start talking about science, and I tune out, needing to be oblivious to protect my dignity.

Mom catches my eye, and I think she notices my discomfort. "You two go mingle with the others," she says. "We'll be eating soon."

* * *

Everyone is too busy stuffing their faces during dinner to make comments, but once dinner is over and mingling resumes, the mortification continues.

"Edward!" my granddad shouts over the football fans' cheering. "I have yet to be introduced to your lovely girlfriend here."

I'm going to need an certificate of achievement for myself and a long list of apologies for Bella after today.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella," says my cousin Heidi. "Edward never brings his girlfriends to family functions!"

It goes on and on. Aunts, uncles, family friends, even my little cousin. They all give us a hard time, even if they don't realize that's what they're doing. When another loud cheer goes up over the football game, I drag Bella down the hall to my dad's office and shut the door. It's nice and quiet, and I finally have time to breathe.

She sinks down into a leather chair and pats her stomach. "I'm stuffed. I don't think I'll be eating anything for the next week. Do you know how many miles I'll have to run to make up for today?"

I dismiss the comment with a laugh. "I think you're exaggerating. I'd wager you've never weighed more than a buck-fifteen your whole life."

"Let's veer straight away from that topic, please," she says. "So… Your parents are really awesome."

"You think so?"

"I do. They made me feel welcome from the start…at ease." She goes to the bookshelves that take up three walls of the office and examines the mix of medical tomes, novels, and anthologies. "This is quite the collection of books," she says.

"Yeah. I used to love coming in here when I was a kid. I'd choose a book at random and start reading at whatever page it fell open to."

She picks up a heavy-looking book and gives me a wry glance. "You read _War and Peace _as a kid?"

Touché. "Well, I did try. Not that I really understood any of it."

"I'm impressed anyway. My childhood reading consisted of _The Babysitters Club_ and other intellectually stimulating literature."

"Stimulating, indeed."

She puts the book back and turns around to catch me staring at her. There's no point in hiding it now. People have made it obvious all day that my feelings for her show. I just stand there ogling her, probably making her uncomfortable, but I'm at a loss.

She looks down at her fidgeting hands and picks up the slack. "Sooo… Your family thinks I'm your girlfriend."

Here we go. I want to tell her that I had no hand in it. I don't want her to think I've been telling people that things are more than they are. "I've never brought a girl to any family function before." I shrug. "I guess with Emmett having Rose here, and Alice with Jasper, they just assumed…" I stuff my hands in my pockets and look down, shuffling my feet like I tend to do when I'm uncomfortable.

She takes a deep breath and shocks the hell out of me. "So why _don't_ you have a girlfriend, Edward? The whole time I've known you, you've never even gone on one date. Not that I know of, anyway."

My chest pounds, and I feel a little lightheaded, but I have to do it. I have to tell her. She has to know. But I think she already does. I move slowly toward her, hesitating, unsure if I should be doing this, afraid to scare her away again.

I swallow hard when I reach her, and all bets are off. "You have to know, Bella," I say quietly. I put my hand on the side of her face, thumb against her cheek, fingers wrapping around to barely graze her neck, and she leans into it.

She closes her eyes and nods, but she doesn't look up. "I know," she whispers. "I just…"

I stroke her cheek lightly with my thumb. Her skin is so soft, her blush so warm under my touch. "Bella? What are you afraid of?"

She just shakes her head. I give her what she needs—control over the situation. I'm not going to monopolize it. The silence in the room isn't awkward, but it's charged with something unfamiliar and not altogether unpleasant.

"I don't want to lose you," she finally says.

A stab goes through my gut at the thought of her thinking I would ever leave her like Jacob did. Friend or otherwise. "You're not going to lose me," I say, injecting as much meaning as I can. "I would never do what he did. _Never_."

She opens her eyes, and I check them for any sign that she's about to dart, but I see her wavering. I watch her internal struggle play out there, but she stays here in the moment with me.

"I just need time," she says, and the significance is certainly not lost.

"I've got lots of time. I'm not going anywhere."

She takes a shuddering breath and looks like she's about to cry, but it's not the kind of crying I've seen her do before. It bears a kind of relief. A tear rolls down her cheek. I brush it away.

"Thank you," she says, and her words hold so much.

"Anytime." And I can't help it. I lean forward and press a lingering kiss to her forehead, then pull her into a hug. She buries her face in my neck, and I wonder if she can feel my pulse pounding there.

We stand there for just a minute before I give her a reassuring squeeze and lift my head. We need to lighten the mood, need to disappear before more family members can prod us with questions and make insinuations. "You ready to get out of here?" I ask. "I promised you some study time tonight."

"Yeah." She nods and pulls away to wipe her eyes. "Let's go."

* * *

We go back to her place, because I'm pretty sure mine will be crowded, and lounge on the couch. Bella's immersed in her physics book, and I browse through a course catalog instead of my poli-sci notes. She lies sideways on the couch with her feet in my lap. It feels so good to know things aren't muddled and confused after our earlier conversation. Our easy nature is back, and it's even better now that she knows. Now that I know.

"Have you decided what you're taking this spring?" I ask.

"My major's straightforward," she says. "Another physics class, calc two, and stellar astronomy. I need to decide on an elective."

"Hmm…" I scan the arts section of the catalog. "How would you feel about photography? If I wanted to take a photography class, would you take it with me?"

She bites a nail as she looks up from her thick textbook. "Um, sure. Sounds like fun. As long as you don't make fun of my lack of artistic skill."

I laugh. "I'm not exactly known for my aesthetic. I agree if you agree not to make fun of me either."

"Okay, let's do it then."

"Okay. Shake on it?"

"How about I do this instead?" she says, nudging at my leg with the heel of her foot.

"How about _I_ do _this_?" I grab her ankle and go for her weak spot. Her ticklish feet.

"No! Nooo!" she yells between wild laughter and stammered pleas.

"Say you'll take the class with me."

"I already said I would!"

"Now say uncle."

"Uncle. Uncle!"

"Now say please."

"I already said please!" I let go as she gives a final jerk. "You're mean," she says as she sits up and tucks her feet underneath her.

"Am not. I made you laugh."

"There are better ways to make me laugh. Ever heard of these things called jokes?"

I squint my eyes and try to think of one. The only one I can remember is the one most people don't get. "Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other and says, 'Hey, how do you drive this thing?'"

She stares at me for a beat, and just when I think she's not going to get it either, she throws her head back and laughs almost as hard as she was doing moments ago.

"I've never gotten such a great reaction to that joke," I say. The deal's sealed. I'm in love with her.

"What is with you today?" she asks, wiping tears of laughter from the corners of her eyes.

"I guess I'm just happy," I say, knowing it's plain as day on my face.

"Good," she says, and there's a smile in her voice, too.

"Are you happy?" I venture, staring at the course catalogue but not really focusing on it.

"Yeah, I am," she says, and it sounds genuine.

"Good." It's all I want for her. She wants time. I can give her that, too. I'd give her anything.


	8. The Kiss

**A/N: As always, thanks to my beloved RachelFish for catching those pesky little errors I miss. And thank you for reading! Reviews are lovely. ;)**

**A good song for this chapter: "Hold Time" by M. Ward**

* * *

Things have changed somehow. We spend a lot of time together over the next few weeks as the semester wraps up. Even though we're both busy with last-minute papers and studying for exams, we find time to run together in the evenings. Today, we sip coffee on a couch in a quiet corner of her favorite little coffee place, and I quiz her on her notes for her physics exam. She's got this.

As she tells me about the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, I'm kind of turned on by how smart she is. She blushes when I tell her I admire her intelligence, then she shrugs it off, saying that anybody can learn it if they just read the textbooks. I beg to differ. I've tried.

Despite my best efforts, I can't _not_ touch her as we sit here in close quarters. I trace patterns over her forearm, not really aware of what I'm doing, but I don't miss the goosebumps that appear on her arm.

"That's really distracting, you know," she says, but she obviously doesn't hate it.

"I'm just testing you," I insist. "A tactic for dealing with distractions. What if someone has a cold during the final and can't stop coughing?"

"I'm perfectly capable of tuning out distractions like that," she says.

I decide to play dumb. "So why can't you concentrate now?" I love to tease her, but she doesn't bite.

"I think you know why."

Her answer throws me, and a slow grin spreads across my face. "I don't. Clue me in."

"Just ask me the next question," she says with a roll of her eyes.

I know I'm not getting anything else out of her, and I know she needs to study, but I can't help myself. I scan her notes for something I can use, and there it is. _Perfect_. "Tell me about projectile motion."

* * *

The six of us gather for dinner when finals are over to celebrate Jasper closing on his new house. He got the keys today, and I wonder how long it'll take Alice to move in. When I voice my question at the dinner table, Alice shrieks at me.

"That was rude!"

I fail to see how. Jasper looks at her like she hung the moon, and even now he's grinning at her outburst. "What?" I say innocently and tilt my chair back on two legs. "You'll be there more than you'll be here anyway."

Alice meets his gaze and ducks her head. I've never seen her act shy before. "Still…" she says.

"Rose and I are getting married, so you'll be the only one left in the house if Alice moves," Emmett says.

I almost fall backward, but I right myself just in time, and the chair's front legs bang down on the wooden floor. "Married?" I splutter, choking on a sip of wine.

Bella giggles beside me, and I whip my head around to look at her. Does she know something I don't? "What's so funny?" I ask.

She just shakes her head and purses her lips, struggling to hold in laughter.

"Yeah," Emmett says once he finishes his bite of pasta. "We've talked about it, and we both want the same things."

"We're not engaged or anything," Rose says quickly. I look at her for the first time to see panic in her eyes, and something tells me that announcement wasn't planned. "Bella, you'd be the first to know if that happened."

"What about me?" Jasper says hotly. "I'm your brother!"

"It's a moot point," Rose says. "Anyway, we're going to wait until I finish school."

Emmett's staring at Rose like he's devoted for life—which he apparently is—and she's looking down at her plate all demurely. Very unlike herself. I shake my head and take another swig of wine as I tip my chair back again, laying my arm across the back of Bella's chair for support. Her hair grazes my skin, and I unconsciously play with the ends, wrapping them around my fingers loosely.

Alice looks at me with narrowed eyes and a scrunched brow. "What's going on with you two?" she asks.

"Nothing," Bella says quickly, but her answer is too fast to be casual.

Alice's forehead smooths out, and she tilts her chin up slightly to give Bella her best smug look. I turn to face her and am slightly surprised by her red face.

"What?" she asks.

"Nothing," Alice mimics and shoots me a self-satisfied grin.

* * *

Bella has her last final the next day, and we have plans go out for drinks. Alice wants to do this big bar-hop celebration thing for the end of the semester, and hey, who am I to turn down a few drinks? Emmett and I swing by to pick up Jasper on our way to Bella's, where the girls met to get ready together. I'll never understand why girls do that. How complicated can it be for them to do their hair and makeup and get dressed by themselves?

"Bonding," Emmett says wisely. "It's fun for them." I don't ask how he thinks he knows these things. It's better just to go along with them. "So what's going on with you and Bella?"

I don't say anything at first, contemplating whether I really want to do this, whether I think Bella would be mad if she knew I was talking to Emmett about our private conversations. "I don't know, man," I say, and I guess my subconscious has made my decision for me. "There's nothing _going on_…but things have been different since Thanksgiving."

"I can tell," he answers.

"Huh," I say, and that's that.

* * *

When we walk through Bella's front door, I catch her eye immediately. _Christ, _she's…breathtaking. Literally. I blow out a deep breath and cross the room to her. "Hi," is all I can say at first. Then I gather my wits. "You look stunning."

She ducks her head and smooths down her dress, and it's so sweet. "Thank you," she says. "You look very handsome."

Those words from her… They blow me away. Alice herds us all out the door before I can say anything else. Bella wobbles a bit in her shoes as she maneuvers the wooden staircase down to the street, so I take her arm.

"Thanks," she says. "I'm not used to these shoes."

"No problem. And I'm rather fond of them." They do things to her legs that I didn't know were possible. The truth, though, is that I'll do anything to touch her.

We start the night at some tapas bar I've never heard of. Someone orders a few plates of food to share, and we sit around on leather couches and chairs. I've never seen Bella so carefree. She laughs at something Emmett says, then sips the pink drink Alice bought her and tucks her hair behind her ears. And I can't help it. Her bare arms look so soft, and the lubrication of alcohol checks my inhibitions. I run my fingers lightly down the back of her arm and lean in so only she can hear me.

"You really do look gorgeous tonight."

She shivers.

"I'm finding it difficult not to touch you."

"It's okay," she says. "I don't mind."

It's a blow to my chest that I really, really don't expect, and it gives me so much hope. I want to tell her how much I want her, not just in a physical way, but in every way. Bella's not ready for that, though, and I don't want to take advantage of the cover of night and liquor. "Want another drink?" I ask instead. She nods, and I take my leave.

"Doing okay, man?" Jasper asks when I stand next to him at the bar. He claps me on the back. "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?"

"You know."

"It's that obvious?"

"Dude. Don't think we haven't noticed."

I shake my head and throw back the last of my beer. "I don't know either." I'm not sure how much more I can take. Of this "time" thing. Of my siblings and friends bugging me constantly.

He chuckles and takes Alice another fruity drink. I get a beer for Bella, who said she's tired of sweet, colorful drinks. When I return, Rose vacates my seat and gives me a meaningful look. I wish everyone would mind their own business for once.

Bella pulls a long swig from her beer bottle, and _damn_ if that's not sexy. "So good," she says with a moan.

This girl is going to end me. Every muscle in my body is tense from holding back. I feel her hand on my arm.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"Hmm?" I tear my gaze away from her lips and raise them reluctantly to her sparkling eyes. "Oh. Nothing's wrong."

"Are you sure? You seem tense."

"Uh…yeah." I laugh despite myself and shake my head. "I'm fine."

"Good. Are you having a good time?"

"I always have a good time with you," I tell her with a smirk.

She rolls her eyes, and I know I've successfully lightened the mood. "Cheese ball."

"You know you love it."

"Yeah, well..." She trails off without finishing her thought.

We move on to another bar that's packed full. I start to say that there's no way I'm going in, but Emmett insists he knows the owner and can get us in. I've never cared for this type of place, but I'm outnumbered.

Emmett disappears for a few minutes, then comes back and gestures for us to follow him. I grab Bella's hand so I won't lose her in the crowd, and we push our way through the wasted beautiful people to find ourselves in the VIP area in the back. A velvet rope blocks general access. Thick curtains cover the walls behind plush couches, and the lighting is muted through colorful lanterns that hang from the ceiling. Em introduces us to Amun, the owner of the bar, and while we're talking, I hear someone shouting my name from somewhere behind me. I turn expecting to see Bella, but standing on the other side of the velvet rope is one of my oldest friends in the world.

"Tanya!" I yell over the music and go to let her through. We hug tightly. "What are you doing here? I thought you moved to California." Tanya grew up just down the street from us. We made mud pies together as kids and went to prom as friends our senior year of high school.

"Just visiting," she says. "Came out with some friends for the night. How are you? Is Alice here? Who was that beauty I saw you clutching when you passed through the grunt section out there?"

My head spins as I try to remember all her questions and answer them. "I'm great now that school's done. Alice is around here somewhere. And that beauty's name is Bella."

"Mmhmm. And?"

"And what?"

"Don't tell me there's nothing going on there."

"Why does everyone assume that?" I ask with a groan. If she only knew how much I wish that were true.

"Let's see. Since you walked in all of five minutes ago, I've seen you staring at her several times like she's the only girl in the world. What else? She's gorgeous. You're the catch of a lifetime…" Tanya gives me a pointed look. There was a time a few years ago when I thought we might end up as more than friends. That was before she told me that she preferred girls.

"Don't," I interrupt her. "Fine. There might be a little more there than I'm willing to admit to anyone else." She claps her hands together and starts to say something, but I don't let her. "_Don't_ say a word. Please. It's important."

Her look of excitement turns to one of understanding. "So where's your Bella now? I'd love to meet her."

I look around, expecting to see her standing nearby, but there's no sign of her. "I'm not sure," I say, but then I see her walking back from the direction of the restrooms, and I'm struck for about the millionth time by these feelings I have for her. The slow, easy grin that comes to me whenever she's near takes over my face. "Bella," I say. "I was wondering where you'd gotten off to."

Her expression is tentative, and I realize that I'm standing here with my arm around another woman she knows nothing about. But she surprises me when she raises her hand to shake Tanya's. "You must be Tanya. I'm Bella. Alice has told me a little about you."

Tanya turns on the charm and plays coy. "Ah, so _you're_ the one Edward's been talking my ear off about. It's lovely to meet you."

Bella turns her eyes to me for just a second before she looks back at Tanya, and if her face weren't already flushed from drinking, I know she'd be blushing. "Nice to meet you, too."

Tanya squeezes my hand. "Now where did my little Alice go? I feel like I haven't seen her in ages." Before she darts away, she stands on her toes and whispers into my ear, "You'd better snap her up before I do." I chuckle and shake my head at her hounding.

"What are you drinking there, beautiful?" I ask once Tanya's gone.

Bella blinks up at me, then looks down at her glass as if she's just remembered it's there. "Um…vodka, soda, and cranberry?"

"Is that an answer or a question?"

"Alice got it for me," she says as she sways in her tall shoes. I've never seen her wear shoes like that. I'm pretty sure she's not used to them.

"Want to sit down?" I ask.

"Yes, please."

I lead her over to a velvety chair-slash-couch thing, and we sit facing each other. "Are you having fun?" I ask, touching my finger to the tip of her nose. She's a-fucking-dorable tonight.

"Mmhmm."

"Good. Have I told you how pretty you look tonight?"

"You have. Multiple times."

She leans forward, and _fuck me_ her lips are right there. So close.

"It's because you are," I whisper.

She leans even closer, and I can feel her breath on my cheek.

"Edward…"

"Hmm?" I can't think.

"I think…" She doesn't say anything else. She closes the gap between us, and before I know what's happening, her lips brush softly against mine. My whole body reels. I want this—I want it so, so badly—but I'm not sure if she knows what she's doing. I don't know how much she's had to drink. The last thing I want on Earth is for her to do something she'll be worried about in the morning.

I move my hands up her arms to her shoulders, and it takes everything within me to push her slightly. "Bella," I say, and my voice is a rasp. I squeeze my eyes shut, because if I look at her, I'll lose all resolve. "As much as I want to kiss you right now, you're drunk. I don't want you to regret it tomorrow."

"I'm not drunk," she says, and I open my eyes to see hers clear and coherent. "I'm just a little tipsy. And I want this, Edward. I want it. I don't want to push you away anymore. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to lose you to someone else."

I have no idea what she means. _I haven't…_ Then it strikes me. Tanya. She thinks I was— "Oh, Bella. Tanya is just an old friend. She—"

"I know. But seeing her there just made me think. It's not fair of me to keep doing this. To keep both of us waiting when we both feel…this…I don't even know what it is. But I know it's strong. And I've felt it in one form or another since I met you. I don't want to wait anymore."

My heart pounds so hard that I'm afraid they'll hear it ten feet away.

"I don't need time," she says. "I just need you."

I search her deep, dark eyes for her usual guarded expression, but there's nothing but warmth and…invitation. "Yeah?" I ask, hardly able to believe it.

She leans forward again, pushing against my hands, which still hold her shoulders. "Yeah."

Our lips meet again, caressing and brushing slowly, and holy shit. This is it—what I've wanted for months. As I tug her bottom lip between mine, I think I've actually wanted it forever. My hands slip from her shoulders around to her back, holding her to me as we kiss slowly. When we pull apart, she presses her forehead to mine, and I can feel her heart pounding away against me.

"God, I've wanted that for so long," I breathe, echoing my silent thoughts.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I know I—"

I press my lips to hers again to cut her off. "No apologies."

She looks over my shoulder, and I'm worried for a second about what could be drawing her out of this moment.

"I feel like a museum exhibit," she whispers.

I look over my shoulder to see my brother, sister, and friends gaping. "Don't they have anything better to do?" I mumble and stand and tug at her hand. "Wanna step outside for a minute?"

She nods, and I pull her up and guide her back through the bar and out the front doors. Outside, I look around for privacy and lead her to a small alley on the side of the club. My hands linger at her waist as we walk, and once we're alone, I turn her around and push her gently against the bricks. I try so hard to keep my grip on her light. I'm afraid that if I let go, she'll disappear.

"You're sure, Bella?"

She nods. "I'm more than sure."

Then I'm kissing her again. My lips on hers are a shock to my system, and I can't keep it sweet and tentative for long. I kiss her reverently at first, but it turns urgent as lips part and tongues meet. A groan escapes me, and I slip my arms around her. One goes to the back of her head, and the other is splayed over the bare skin at the top of her back as I press her harder into the wall. I'm drunk on her, lost in her.

"Bella. I— God, you're amazing."

She sighs and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me back down for another kiss. She takes the reins, kissing me properly. Thoroughly.

"Hey!" a voice echoes through the alleyway. "Hey, lovebirds!"

I tear my mouth from hers, but I don't let go of her as we turns our heads to see who's yelling. _Damn you, Emmett._

He laughs a loud, half-drunken laugh. "What are you two doing making out in the middle of an alley?"

"We weren't making out," I grumble, unwinding myself from around her, but I keep hold of her hand as we leave our haven to face the firing squad.

"What would you call that, then?" Emmett asks.

"A pivotal moment?" Rose says with a snort. I wince at her corniness. I don't know where she gets these things. "Are you ready to call it a night, babe?" she asks Bella.

"Nooo!" Alice whines. "There are plenty more places to go. We haven't even danced. Let's go to Mynt!"

"It's one-thirty, Ali," Jasper says. "It'll be last call in like ten minutes." He leans down to whisper something to her that I'm sure I don't want to hear.

Her face brightens. "Should we take a cab, then?"

"Let's just walk back to Bella's," I suggest, not wanting to cram into a cab and break the bubble I'm living in right now. "We can get a cab home from there."

Bella and I lag behind the others, and I keep my arm wrapped tightly around her. I'm not about to let go now. We're quiet for the most part as we listen to Alice's babbling. She's excitable most of the time, but when she's drunk, she borders on manic. When we get back at Bella's place, Em calls a cab to take us to ours, but I don't want to leave. I don't want this night to be over and wake up in the morning to find it wasn't real.

The girls go to gather their things from Bella's bedroom, and I go to the kitchen for a glass of water.

"Thank you," she says when I meet her in the hall with one for her.

She's looking up at me in this demure way that drives me crazy. In the shadows of the hallway, I lean down and kiss her once, a lingering brush across her lips. "Just because I can," I whisper in her ear.

"Stay?" she asks with a shiver.

_God, yes_. "If you want me to."

"I don't want you to go. And I think we should talk."

"Okay then."

"Cab's here!" Emmett yells from the living room. "Who's coming to the Cullen abode?"

There's a commotion as a stumbling Alice tries to put her shoes back, nearly toppling Rose when she leans on her for support.

"Come on, babe," Jasper says and hoists her over his shoulder.

Bella laughs and goes to hug Rosalie and kiss my sister on her upside-down cheek. When they're gone and the door is locked, I approach her from behind, putting my arms around her waist again and press a kiss to the back of her head.

"Can I get you anything?" she asks as she turns around to face me. "Are you thirsty? Hungry?"

"I'm fine. More than fine. Incredibly happy, in fact."

She blushes and looks down again. "I should go change."

"Don't take too long." I kiss her forehead. I can't stop.

She disappears down the hall, and I collapse onto the couch. Leaning my head back, I try not to worry that things will be different in the morning. The next thing I know, she's sitting next to me with her head on my shoulder.

"Hi," she says.

"Hey." I put an arm around her and open my eyes to find her wearing that pair of sleep shorts I saw her in weeks and weeks ago. "You look comfy."

"I am now," she says and snuggles into my side.

I want to savor this, but it's been a long night, and the beers in my body want me to go to sleep. My eyelids are heavy. She shakes my arm.

"Edward."

"Mmm?"

"Maybe we should save our talk for the morning."

"Mmhmm."

"Don't you think you'd be more comfortable in bed?"

Bed? She wants me in bed. My thoughts may be somewhat fuzzy, but this is important. I sit up and stretch. "Are you sure you don't want me to sleep on the couch?"

"It's not the most comfortable couch in the world."

"Rosalie's room?"

She shakes her head, and I grin lazily, then pull her close and kiss her. It's gentle, adoring, and I hope it shows her that I don't expect anything tonight. "I love doing that."

"Me too." Though we're both looking at each other from under droopy eyelids, we eventually manage to get up from the couch and go to her room. She climbs into bed and pats the space beside her. "Come on," she says. "I want your arms around me."

_Be still, my heart. _A grin creeps over my face. "I think I can manage that. Just give me a minute." I go to use the bathroom and splash water on my face, then lean against the counter, struggling to gather my wits. I'm sleeping with Bella tonight. In the most innocent way possible, of course, but still. I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath. Do I sleep in my clothes? Should I offer again to sleep on the couch? In the end, I decide to take off my shirt—she's seen me run shirtless before. Surely she won't be uncomfortable with that much. I'm being neurotic. But it's Bella, and this matters to me.

Moonlight and street lamps are the only light when I exit the bathroom. It makes everything glow. I place my folded button-down on the dresser and cross to the far side of the bed.

"You're going to sleep in your jeans?" Bella asks when I swing my legs up onto the bed. She smooths her hand over my forehead, which I don't realize is wrinkled with worry until she touches me.

"Bella, I don't want you to think that I don't— That I'm not—"

"It's okay," she whispers, taking my hand and squeezing it. "I want to take things slowly, too."

Relief washes over me. "I just don't want you to regret anything."

"I won't. I don't. The only thing I regret is making you wait."

"No," I say. "Don't ever regret that. The last thing I want is for you to be unsure."

"You've been so patient," she says, "even when I was so closed off. But I promise, Edward, I'm not shutting anyone out anymore." She leans her forehead against mine, and her eyes glisten despite the tiredness there. "Especially you."

I press my lips to hers and linger for a few seconds. "Thank you."

She brings her hand up to hide a yawn when we break apart, but it's contagious. "Maybe we should save this talk for the morning," I tell her through my own yawn.

"Mmm." She snuggles up against me, and I lock my arms around her. "That sounds like a good idea."

With her in my arms, though I'm on the verge of sleep, I'm on top of the world. As I start to drift off, I feel her brush her lips lightly over my chest. Right where my thudding heart is finally calming down from her touch.


	9. The Day

**A/N: RachelFish is so darling. I owe her a million thanks. I also owe YOU a million thanks for reading. **

**A good song for this chapter: "This Is the Day" by The The**

* * *

The fingers of my left hand rest against something that's both soft and hard. I move them lightly over the curved plane as I come around slowly from a heavy sleep. My face is buried in a pillow that smells like her. Like Bella. Then I remember. Last night really happened.

I turn my head to face her, barely aware that my fingers are digging into her bare hipbone, dipping slightly below the elastic waistband of her shorts. _Christ_. I'm glad I'm still wearing jeans and lying on my stomach, because I really don't want her to know about the predicament I'm suddenly battling down below.

She's awake, lying on her back and looking up at the ceiling.

"Good morning," I say, my voice cloaked in sleep and caution.

She meets my eyes, and my slight anxiety is washed away. "Morning," she answers. We lie there staring at each other, my index finger tracing tiny circles on her skin, but staring gets kind of awkward after a minute.

I decide to be the first one to break the ice. "Did you really kiss me last night?"

She nods. "Yes. And then you kissed me back."

"I did." I think it's safe to roll over and pull her into my arms. "Do you know how long I've wanted to do that?"

She shakes her head against my chest.

"Probably since the third time I saw you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Though if I were being really honest, I'd say I wanted to kiss you the first time. But you were all covered in snot and tears."

She laughs and pushes the heel of her hand against my chest. "You're mean."

"I'm not."

"I know."

"Bella, believe me when I say that kiss last night… It's the best thing I've ever experienced in my life."

She makes a noise of derision and looks away. "Stop. You're silly."

I put my hand under her chin and tilt it up so she'll look at me. "I'm serious. I care so deeply for you. And to think that you feel the same way about me is…just…"

Disbelief clears from her eyes. "I do care for you. Very much."

I can't imagine I've ever felt the way I do right now. I lean in to press a kiss to her lips and another to her sleep-warmed cheek, but she pulls away with a shy look.

"You know what sucks about being the only two people here?"

I squint my eyes and try to figure out what could possibly be good about having anyone burst through the door in this moment. "I can't think of anyone else I'd want around right now."

"There's no one else to put on the coffee," she answers.

"Oh, that is a shame."

"It really is. Because I _really_ don't want to get out of bed right now."

"Uh, neither do I." Once again, I'm glad I left my jeans on. Getting out of bed in my boxers would be embarrassing in my present state.

"Well, what are we to do?" she asks melodramatically. "It's either get up and make coffee or go back to sleep. Or let me brush my teeth so you can kiss me properly."

"Hmm. I like that last option. But you don't need to get up."

"Yes, I do," she insists. "I have horrible cotton mouth."

"How's your head?" I ask, running a finger from her temple to her chin. "Hung over or anything?"

"Surprisingly, no. You?"

The bubble we're in has me feeling nothing but good things. "Nope."

We lie wrapped up in each other until I can't ignore my bladder anymore. When I come out of the bathroom, she's in the kitchen, wearing a short robe and rummaging through a cabinet. I grab her from behind, and she gasps as I nuzzle my nose against her neck.

"You smell so good," I tell her.

"Really?"

"Yeah," is all I can say.

"Oh."

I graze the warm skin behind her ear with my nose, and she goes slack against me. "How about that coffee?" I whisper and press a kiss beneath her ear.

She shivers out of a daze. "Um, okay."

"I'll make breakfast."

She turns to give me a suspicious look. "Do you cook better than your siblings?"

"Of course. Someone has to know how. Man cannot live on pizza and Chinese takeout alone."

"Okay. Surprise me. Impress me, even." She pours two glasses of water and hands me one.

"Oh, you mean I don't already do that daily?"

"Well, of course. I thought that was understood. I mean impress me _yet again_."

I search the cabinets for ingredients and find the perfect thing. "Oh, just you wait," I tell her smugly. "You have a waffle iron. Do you realize what this means?"

She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow at me as I pause for suspense.

"This means you're about to experience the world's best waffles."

"You realize Jasper just moved out, right?" she reminds me. "I'm pretty spoiled by his cooking."

"I hope those are the only talents he spoiled you with," I say.

"Ew! Don't say things like that. He's like my brother." She pours some coffee beans into the grinder and presses the button before I can come up with a sarcastic comment.

I give her a pointed look, and she lets the button go.

"What was that?" she asks, but she presses the button again before I can get a word out.

I lean back on the counter with my arms crossed, letting her have her fun. When the grinder is finished, she pays no mind to my staring as she starts the coffee.

She gasps again when I sneak up behind her, hovering there, not quite touching her. "Are you finished interrupting me?"

"Are you finished saying gross things?" she asks.

I go back to teasing the skin beneath her ear again with my lips, and she melts against me. We've gone straight from off-limits to can't-stop-touching in less than twenty-four hours. Far be it from me to complain. I kiss my way down her neck and push her robe to the side to access her shoulder. Her breathing is audible, and I'm pretty sure I feel her trembling. I'm not so steady myself.

Suddenly, she jumps and turns swiftly, her eyes drawn to the counter behind me. "Edward!" she shouts.

I follow her gaze to the waffle iron, which is emitting a burning smell and smoking like it's on fire. "What the hell is that?" I rush to the iron, unplug it, and open it to find black, burned bits smoking and sizzling on what should be a nonstick surface.

"Rosalie," Bella says through gritted teeth. No further explanation is needed.

"What is it with her and burning breakfast?" I ask.

"She gets these grand ideas in her head, but her attention span is about the size of a flea's," she explains. "Her brother's an amazing cook. You'd think she'd know a thing or two about it."

I laugh at her exasperation. "We can wait for it to cool down and clean it."

She nods. "At least we have coffee in the meantime."

"Hmm," I say, picking up where I left off. "I can think of something else I'd rather do in the meantime." I place my hand gently on her face and kiss her for the first real time this morning. It's slow and gentle, and I let my hands wander as I take my time with her lips. I curse the robe she's wearing as I trace her spine with my fingers. I want to feel her skin. Her hands mirror mine, but instead of wandering down, they move up my bare back, leaving a hot trail behind them. I gather her closer to my body, wrap her tightly. Her fingers play in my hair, and the feeling of her short nails on my scalp makes my entire body tingle.

She pulls her lips away from mine, and I open heavy eyelids to see her looking up at me in this shy way that annihilates me. "Have I told you how much I love kissing you?" she asks.

_No way it's more than I love kissing you_, I think to myself. "I don't remember. But you can tell me as much as you want."

Bella untangles herself from my arms, and while I hate it, I'm also sort of relieved. Things are getting steamy, and fast.

"Splash of cream?" she asks, grabbing two mugs and pouring the freshly brewed coffee.

"Please." I take a banana from the basket on the counter and offer her half. We trade, and I take a sip of coffee. She knows just how I like it, and it's a silly thing, but my heart swells with the knowledge that she might know me better than anyone else. We go to the living room and sit facing each other under a fuzzy blanket on the couch.

"So…who should start?" I ask, knowing we have to have that talk we evaded last night.

"Um. You go ahead," she says.

I'm a bit relieved that she wants me to go first. Truth be told, even after the impromptu make-out session in the kitchen, I'm almost afraid of what she'll say.

"Bella, last night was seriously one of the best nights of my life. I'm still kind of reeling." I pause and clear my throat, unsure of how to broach this. She smiles, and it gives me courage. "I don't want you to feel pressured. You've known how I feel about you for a while. But I don't want you to feel…obligated just because you kissed me." She shakes her head, but I power through. "I know more than anyone how hurt you were when—" I clear my throat again nervously, unwilling to go down that road. "I want you to know that I'm willing to be a part of your life in whatever capacity you'll have me."

She reaches between us and grabs my hand. "I want this. I want to be with you, Edward. I've been stupid. I don't know why I denied it—"

"You were hurt," I interrupt.

She shakes her head. "I wasn't. I haven't even thought of Jake for a long time. It's just… I don't want to lose you."

Those words are a dagger to my heart. I reach up to touch her face. "You're not going to lose me. I'm not going anywhere."

Her eyes close as she continues. "I treasure your friendship more than anything else. I didn't want to risk losing that if things didn't work out between us." She looks down at our hands and squeezes before she meets my eyes again. "But I can't deny it anymore. I want this."

The pure joy that spreads through me propels me forward. I kiss both of her cheeks once and lean my forehead against hers like she did to me last night. "I'm so happy to hear you say that."

"I'm sorry," she says. I start to interrupt again, but she doesn't let me. "I'm sorry I made you wait so long. I want you to know it wasn't on purpose. It was just my stupid insecurity."

"No. Don't apologize." I'm tired of hearing her say _sorry_. I don't need it. I would've waited much longer for this. "That's my girlfriend you keep calling 'stupid." The word slips out before I even know what I'm saying.

"Is that what I am?" she whispers.

My face is on fire, and I know it must be bright red. I swallow hard. She's more than that to me. I don't know if it's what she wants, but it's too late to take it back now. "If—if that's what you want."

"Is it what _you_ want?" she asks, searching my eyes.

"Very much."

"Then that's what I am."

I'm not in control of my body. I dive forward and kiss her, and I think it shocks her. She doesn't react at first, but when she does, it's as intense as my own reaction. Her arms wrap around my neck as mine tangle in her hair. Lips and hands are desperate. I pull her bottom lip between mine, and she moans, reminding me of the night we were on the pier, when I wished she'd make those sounds for _me_. Our tongues meet and move together. I start to press her down into the couch, but before things reach the point of no return, I remember myself and slow it down. Fierce kissing turns to slow nips and pecks. When I finally pull away, her lips are swollen, her eyes dazed, and I know mine look the same.

We both smile and stare at each other for a moment. "So what about that breakfast?" I ask, my voice much huskier than it should be for such a question.

She sits up straight and pushes her hair off her face. "Yeah. I guess I'm pretty hungry."

_So am I_, I think, _but not for food._

* * *

"What are you two crazy kids up to?" Emmett asks that afternoon when we enter my living room.

Rose's head pops up from the opposite end of the couch. I don't miss the meaningful looks she gives Bella, but then she clutches her head and groans. "Never drinking again."

"I've heard that before," Bella says and goes to sit beside her. "Poor Rosalie."

"Cuddle with me, bestie."

Bella does that adorable snort I love. "Are you still drunk?"

Rose's face is a mix of emotions, but she seems to settle on mischief. "I suppose you'd rather cuddle with Edward these days."

Bella looks up at me, and I smile at her modest blush.

"I'm gonna go shower," I say and drop a kiss on top of her head before disappearing down the hall. Part of me feels bad leaving her to fend off the questions alone, but I need a few minutes. I stand under a lukewarm shower. It's cold outside, but I need to cool down. _Slow_. We have to take it slow. I have a feeling I'll be taking a lot of cool showers now.

* * *

When I'm dry and halfway dressed, I call out to Bella. She enters my room seconds later as I pull a sweatshirt on over my old C of C t-shirt.

"You rang?"

"Thought you might need rescuing from prying questions."

She laughs as I kneel down in front of my closet and start tossing dirty and clean laundry aside. Who knows which is which anymore?

"I handled it just fine, thank you. What are you doing?"

"Looking for my shoes."

"What's that?" she asks, kneeling down to help me.

I'm worried for a second about what she's found, but she pulls an old milk crate out of the back of the closet.

"Records?"

"Yeah. Score," I say, simultaneously answering her and celebrating the fact that I've found a shoe. "They're my dad's. I've had my eye on them for a while. He gave them to me a few months ago."

"What are they doing buried in the back of your closet? Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd…Carly Simon?"

"Maybe it was Mom's." I unearth my other shoe and pull them both on.

"These are great, Edward. Why are they hiding back here?"

"I don't have a way to listen to them. Ready to run?"

"Yeah, I guess." She sighs. "Do we have to?"

I grab her hand and swing it between us. "No, we don't _have_ to do anything." Internally, though, I feel like I need the physical exertion, need to use up this energy.

"You did just conduct a minor excavation to unearth those shoes," she says with a smirk. "So maybe we should."

"Let's go, then," I say.

I stand, pull her up by her hands, gather her close, and press my lips to hers. Yeah. I need a run. Badly. "Okay," I say, ending our five hundredth kiss reluctantly. "Ready?"

"Yeah," she says again, looking dazed and licking her lips. "Yeah, let's run."


	10. The Distraction

**A/N: Thank as always to RachelFish! She's the best. And thanks to you for reading. Reviews are awesome... ;)**

* * *

Winter break is always great. But this one is the best. I spend almost all my time with Bella. It doesn't matter what we do. Today it's cold and gray outside, so we lie on her couch, watching a movie. Well, half-watching a movie. My lips are mostly glued to the back of her neck and her shoulder, where I've managed to push aside the strap of her tank top.

"Do you have any idea what's going on right now?" she asks, her voice husky.

"Of course. We're lying here on the couch, and I'm being occupied by this incredibly soft skin—" I drag my finger down the curve of her neck to her shoulder. "—right here."

She laughs and turns over to face me. "I meant in the movie, smartass."

"Um…" I glance over her shoulder to get caught up on a movie I've seen a thousand times. "Sigourney Weaver is running around a spaceship in her underwear."

She rolls her eyes. "So insightful. Are you actually watching it? If you're bored, we can do something else."

"It's just that your bare skin is right there in front of me. And you smell so good." I bury my face in her neck. "It's pretty tempting. How am I supposed to pay attention to anything else?"

"If it's that much of a distraction, I can move to the recliner…" She moves to sit up, but I roll onto my back and pull her down on top of me.

"You're not going anywhere," I tell her, drawing her in with a hand on the nape of her neck. Every time our lips touch, it's an electric shock. She's intoxicating. I think I'm addicted. I nip and tug lazily at her lips, but she wants more. I want more. Our tongues move together slowly, sensually, and my blood races.

I smooth my hands over her curves to the small of her back and caress the warm skin where the hem of her shirt has ridden up. She makes the sexiest noises, and I can't stand it. I can't hold back. And with the way she's shifting against me, it doesn't feel like she wants me to. Things are more frantic than ever. My hands drift down to her ass, and I pull her hips forward to meet mine. And _holy fuck_, it feels good to have her like this. Straddling me as I push against her. It's new. I've always done my best to hide it from her when I'm turned on, but the way she moves against my hardness pushes me forward.

"Oh, God," she says and gasps.

I can only respond with a low groan. I know my grasp is rough, but I don't care. My thumbs dig into her hipbones. I try to hold back as much as I can as we slowly grind against each other. I want to take her. I want all of her. She starts to move with purpose, and I think she's close to coming. I'm right on the edge. She feels so good pressed against me, pushing, clasping, clutching, digging her fingers into my shoulders.

She jumps when the phone rings, and we break apart at the shrill tone.

Her mother's ringtone.

We stare at each other, two panting, wide-eyed messes.

"Um—" she starts.

I run a hand through my hair and try to sit up, but she's still straddling my lap. If I move, it'll be to drag her down with me again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so carried away."

"You're _apologizing_? Are you kidding me?" she cries. "Unless you didn't want—"

"No, no. I want. Trust me, I _want_ very much. It's just that I'm trying really hard to honor your wish to take things slowly."

She climbs off me and moves slowly backward, bringing her knees up to hug them against her chest. "Right. Slowly." Her brow furrows, and I want to be inside her head. I want to be inside other places, too, but if I think about that right now…

I sit up and grimace as I adjust my jeans. "I'm sorry," she says, wincing too, because I'm pretty sure she knows my predicament.

I grab her phone from the coffee table and hand it to her. "Your mom?"

"Yeah. That was her."

"I'm just gonna…" I trail off and tilt my head toward her bathroom. She nods as her phone rings again, and I leave her to her conversation.

My hair is wild, my lips red. I stare into the bathroom mirror and try to think about something—_anything_—else. Running, school, worrying about what I'm going to do with my life. I haven't thought about that in months. It helps somewhat, and I blow out a deep breath, trying hard not to picture her above me, clinging to me with her eyes half-closed, her lips parted slightly. My laugh is a harsh huff as I shake my head at myself. I can't let my mind wander down that path again unless I'm going to do something about it. When I'm calm enough, I go to the kitchen and put the kettle on to make some tea.

She looks up at me when I enter the living room. Her hair is crazy. The color in her cheeks enhances her smile as she stares me. If I was afraid this would be awkward, I was so wrong. And in that moment, I know I love her. It shatters me, and I can't look at her anymore without telling her right now.

"We've been hanging out a bit," she says into the phone as she smirks at me.

Screeching in the the other room tells me the hot water's ready. I go back to fetch the tea, and when I come back, she's wrapping up her conversation.

"That's fine. I'll see you tonight. Love you." She hangs up and takes a steaming mug from me. "Mmm, tea. Thank you."

I kiss her once, quickly, because it's too tempting. "Earl Gray. You're welcome."

"So, would you be up for some company tonight?" she asks when I sit down next to her again. "Mom and Dad have to go to a party, so they're bringing Benji over for the night."

"Really? Awesome." I mean it. I really do like Benji, and I don't mind sharing Bella with him at all. "I haven't seen the little guy in a while."

Her giggle goes straight through me. "He probably won't even pay attention to me with you here."

"So…" I hedge, unsure how to ask. But then I just go for it. "Am I still staying here tonight? Or is that not appropriate?"

She shrugs and sips her tea. "I don't think it's inappropriate. Anyway, he'd be heartbroken if you left."

"Good." I put my mug down on the coffee table and pull her into my side. The movie's over, and _Gilligan's Island_ is playing silently. "Unmute it," I say, nodding at the television. "Let's watch Mary Ann show the professor her coconuts."

* * *

"Edward!" A short, spiky-haired blur attacks me before I can say a word.

"Hey, Benji. How's it going?" Bella says sarcastically. "Nice to see you, too. I'm doing fine, thanks." As she talks to her parents, Benji fills me in on school and Disney World. I feel bad for only half-listening, because I don't want to be rude and not talk to Mr. and Mrs. Swan.

"It looks like you're set up for a fun time," Renée says as she glances around the room. "Hi, Edward."

"Hey, Mrs. Swan. Mr. Swan." I shake Charlie's hand, but Renée pulls me into a hug instead.

"I thought Benji could help me decorate my sad little tree," Bella says, gesturing to the fake Christmas tree we just assembled.

"Yeah!" Benji yells and runs to Bella. "Can we have hot chocolate and popcorn and watch _Harry Potter_?"

"_Harry Potter_?" she asks. "That doesn't seem very Christmasy."

"It's his new thing," Renée explains. "We should get going or we'll be late. Don't let him have too much sugar unless you want him up all night. In that case, you'll be taking care of his cranky butt tomorrow."

There's a flurry of kisses, hugs, and words like "be good" and "nothing to drink after eight o'clock." Benji rolls his eyes and wipes lipstick off his cheeks after his parents leave.

"So," I say, clapping and rubbing my hands together. "What should we do first? Decorate the tree?"

"Yes. Can we have hot chocolate now? With whipped cream and sprinkles?"

"Sure, bud," says Bella. "I think I have whipped cream, but I'm not sure about sprinkles."

"Let's pull out the couch bed!" Benji shouts. Bella raises an eyebrow at me and leaves the room. Traitor.

He takes the cushions off the couch, and I unfold the bed for him. "I was gonna stay with my best friend Max tonight, but I'm glad I get to come here. Edward? Are you Bella's boyfriend?"

"Uh…" I'm not sure what a six-year-old knows about relationships, but I answer truthfully. When I was a kid, I hated it when adults talked down to me. "Yeah, I am."

It doesn't faze him. He goes straight back to talking about Max.

"I was playing outside, and when I came in, Mom said Max called me, and then I called back, and he threw up right on the phone! It was so funny."

"Hmm. It probably wasn't so funny for Max."

"Prolly not. But it was funny to me. Why are you wearing pajamas, anyway? Are you spending the night too?"

"Uh…" I stall again, worried about how this will play out. "Would that be okay with you?"

"Yeah!" he says. "Do you want to sleep on the couch bed? Because I really like it, but I guess I wouldn't mind sleeping in Bella's bed if you really wanted the couch bed. You probably can't sleep in Bella's bed. You're too big, and she takes up all the room anyway."

I try my best not to laugh. "I don't mind if you take the couch bed. I'm sure Rosalie wouldn't mind if I slept in her room."

Benji gives me a look that turns him into Bella Junior. "You must not know Rosalie very well."

I give in to a gut-busting laugh, and Bella giggles behind me.

"Hot chocolate is served, majesties," she says, putting three mugs down on the coffee table. Benji runs to his and starts to pick it up. "Careful!" Bella shouts, leaning forward to stop him. "It's hot."

"Can we decorate the tree now?" he asks, dipping his face into the mug to make a whipped cream mustache. "Look, I'm Dad." He erupts into giggles, and I wonder if sugar is the best thing to give him when he's already bouncing off the walls.

"Yes, let's do the tree," Bella says after giving me a look of slight horror. "I was counting on your help. I can't do it by myself."

We dig ornaments out of a box, and Benji asks about them all. Something tells me this is the norm, like he knows the stories behind the ornaments but wants to hear them every year. Most of them hold some sort of sentiment.

"Hey, this one has me on it!" Benji cries, showing me a glass ball with the words _Big Sister_ on one side. On the other side is a picture of a teenaged Bella holding a newborn baby.

"Yeah," Bella says. "Mom's friend made it for me after you were born."

"Aw, you were so cute," I say and kiss the top of her head.

"I know," says Benji. "Thanks."

"Well, I was talking to your sister, but I guess you were cute, too."

"Eh, he's all right as far as little brothers go," she says.

Benji sticks his tongue out at her and turns back to me. "Do you have any little brothers?"

"I have a little sister. And one big brother."

"Bigger than you?"

"Yeah. His name's Emmett."

He wrinkles his nose. "What kind of name is that? How old is your little sister? Can she play with me sometime?"

I snicker at his dig on Emmett. "It's an old-fashioned name. And my little sister is twenty-one, but I'm sure she'd love to play with you sometime."

"Can we watch Harry now?" Benji asks as he hangs the last ornament on a bottom branch.

Bella gets Benji situated on the pull-out couch, and she and I sit back in the recliner together to watch the movie. There's not an inch between us, and I find it difficult to keep my hands to myself. I smooth my hands over her hip, her leg, up her arm, down her side.

"You have a problem paying attention to movies, don't you?" she whispers.

I kiss her on the temple. "Only when you're around to distract me."

"Ew, stop kissing," Benji mumbles from the couch.

He falls asleep soon after that, and Bella and I creep to her bedroom.

"Should I sleep in Rose's room?" I ask, still unsure of protocol.

"It's up to you," she says. "He's dead to the world. It's not like he'll come crawling into bed with me or anything."

We brush our teeth together, and I'm glad I don't have to spend the night apart from her. We lie down facing one another, snuggled up under the warm quilt.

"You're a good sister," I tell her, brushing her hair away from her face and over her shoulder. "You'd make a good mom someday, I think."

"I'm fairly certain that being a sister and being a mother are two completely different animals."

"Yeah, but you were old enough when he was born to know how things work. You'd be good with kids. Do you want to have any?"

"Not right this second, no," she says wryly.

"You know what I mean. One day. When you're older and married and stuff."

"To be honest, I don't know. It seems like the thing to do, doesn't it? Like the rational order of things. What I do know is I'll be at least twenty-eight before I decide."

"That's an awfully precise number."

"That's if I'm even married by then." She switches gears quickly. "So… Did you get your class schedule all figured out?"

"Yeah. I've got photography class with you—" I kiss her on the tip of her nose. "—art history, personal finance, and the Buddhist Tradition."

"Personal Finance? And the Buddhist Tradition? I didn't even know that was offered."

"Maybe it'll inspire me to drop out of school and move to Tibet or something. My parents would love it."

"I'm sure they would."

"I figure Art History will kill another humanities credit, and who can't benefit from learning how to manage their finances?"

"Maybe you could teach me some of that," she says with a laugh. "My savings account has been significantly depleted now that I have no job."

"Really?" I haven't considered that she might be burdened with rent since Rose has pretty much moved out. "Are… Do you… I mean, you can pay your rent and stuff, right?"

"Oh—yeah, I'm fine. And Rose is still paying half the rent."

"Really?" I ask, surprised. "She's with Em almost every night. Why doesn't she just move in already?"

"I think she feels bad leaving me in the lurch. I've told her it doesn't matter. To be honest, I don't think she wants her parents to know how often she stays at your place."

"I see," I tell her, then change the topic back to us. "And do your parents know how much I stay here?" I sleep at Bella's a lot, but it's just that. Sleeping. Even if we've never gone as far as we did on the couch this afternoon, I love being near her. _I love her_, I think to myself.

"They don't care," she answers. "At least Mom doesn't. I think my dad likes to stay blissfully unaware." She runs a finger down my cheek. "I like it when you have a little bit of stubble."

That feels amazing. "Huh," I say. She likes it when I don't shave. This is news to me.

"It's kind of sexy." She tilts her head to the side and brushes a kiss on my jawline. It sends a shudder through me.

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

I find her lips with mine, and we kiss languidly. It's enough. It's not that I don't want to undress her, explore her, taste every inch of her. My lust for her grows exponentially every day. But I'm happy to take it slow. I'm happy to be here with her, just like this.


	11. The Words

**A/N: I heart RachelFish. That is all. **

**A good song for this chapter: "Never My Love" by The Association**

* * *

I have no idea what to get Bella for Christmas. So the day before Christmas Eve, I enlist Alice to go shopping with me. She's full of ideas, but none of them seem quite right.

"A gift card for Victoria's Secret?" she suggests as we amble down King Street.

"Tempting, but no," I say.

"Aw, come on. It's like a present for both of you."

"Not happening, Alice."

"What? The gift card or the sex?"

"The subject."

"Edwarrrrd," she whines. "You really think Bella doesn't talk about these things with her girlfriends?"

I'm not falling for it. "She obviously hasn't if you're trying to get details out of me. Even if she has, I'm not discussing it with my baby sister." I put her in a loose headlock and give her a noogie.

"Stop!" she shouts, trying to duck away from me and smooth her hair down.

"Any other ideas?" I ask.

"I've given you like eighty-four ideas, Edward."

"Or five. You know. No big difference."

She makes a big show of rolling her eyes at me, but then a light goes off in her eyes, and she snaps her fingers a few times. "She likes science. How about a store that sells geeky things?"

"Nice, Alice. Geeky things?"

"It's not a derogatory term. You know that one website? It has all those things science and math people like."

"She's not—"

"Come on. Let's try this one," she says, pulling me into a store with a giant solar system display in the window.

I have to hand it to Alice. This might be perfect. There are lamps that shine constellations on the wall. Posters with blueprints of space shuttles. A clock with math equations in place of the hours. And then I see it. I know she doesn't have one of her own. It's perfect.

"A telescope?" Alice says, approaching me from behind as I toy with the knobs on an expensive-looking one.

"What do you think?"

She purses her lips and tilts her head to the side at first. But a slow smile crosses her face. "I think it's perfect."

"So do I," I say, bending down to look through the eye…thing. It occurs to me that I know absolutely nothing about these things. We find a salesperson to recommend the best one.

As he rings it up at the register, Alice does a low whistle. "She's gonna kill you when she finds out how much this thing costs."

"And who's going to tell her?" I ask, flicking her on the arm. "I'm not. You're not. Nobody else knows."

"She'll know."

I shrug. She won't kill me. She'll love it.

* * *

Christmas is a big thing in my family. We have traditions. A lot of them. It's the same every year. When we open presents on Christmas morning, Em and Alice sit on the couch. Mom and Dad occupy the twin armchairs. I sit on the floor. We make a giant mess of wrapping paper and ribbons and boxes. Then Mom cooks a huge southern breakfast. Every year, I offer to help, but she won't let me. I keep her company in the kitchen anyway.

"My sweet boy," she says and reaches up to kiss me on the cheek. Everyone teases Emmett about being the mama's boy, but we know who really owns that title. "How's your Bella?"

She does that. Calls her _my _Bella.

"I love her," I blurt out before my brain catches up with my mouth.

"I know," she says nonchalantly as she stirs pancake batter. "But how is she?"

I slump on a barstool and drop my forehead to the counter with a slight _thud_. "I'm that transparent?"

"Not usually. But in this case, yes." She pats my hand and starts dropping batter onto a sizzling griddle. "Are you seeing her today?"

"Yeah," I say. "She spent last night at her mom and dad's. I'm going over there later."

"Will you bring her back here for dinner?"

"Mom—"

"I promise to behave. And I have a little something for her."

"You got her a present?" I ask. My parents have met Bella exactly twice. "You barely know her."

"But she makes you happy, and that makes me happy. Now—" She swats me on the butt with a wooden spoon. "—go tell everyone breakfast is ready."

* * *

I climb the steps to the Swans' front door a few hours later, balancing a pile of gifts and two pies from my mom. Bella opens the door, and her eyes are bright and excited.

"Merry Christmas," I say. "Pie?"

She giggles and relieves me of them, leaving me free to lean down for a quick kiss.

"Hi," she says. "Merry Christmas. Love the sweater."

I look down and groan internally, having forgotten about my cheesy reindeer sweater. "Tradition. Mom insists."

"Edward!" Benji yells as we enter the living room. It's his standard excited greeting.

"Edward," says Mrs. Swan as she comes over to hug me. "It's so nice to see you! Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," I repeat. "My mom sent pies."

"Pecan?" asks Charlie, who's busy setting up a video game.

"I think there might be a pecan or two," I say. "How are you, Chief Swan?"

He grunts. "I'd be much better if you'd play this game in my place."

"No, Dad!" Benji protests. "You have to be Mario. You have a mustache."

This kid slays me. "So how big was the lump of coal Santa left in your stocking?" I ask, putting his gifts down on the coffee table.

"He didn't! He left me this." He points his remote at the Wii Charlie's trying to set up. "Wanna play with us? Bella will probably take turns with you."

"I think I'm good for now. Maybe later, okay?"

He turns back to the Lego set he's putting together, but then he seems to notice the colorful boxes I just set on the table. His eyes glint. "Are those for me?"

I have to laugh at his bluntness, even if I shouldn't. "Some of them are. You want to open them now?"

He doesn't even answer. Just starts ripping paper and throwing it aside. He says he loves the Legos and the action figures Alice helped me pick out and throws his arms around my legs in a hug. "Thanks, Edward!" he says, then piles the toys on top of the mountain of others before going back to instructing his dad on how technology works.

Bella stands grinning on the sidelines. I pick up the last box and grab her hand to lead her to her room for a little privacy.

"It took me a while to figure out what to get you," I tell her.

"Me too," she says sort of shyly. "But I think I found the perfect thing in the end."

"Not to be conceited or anything," I retort, "but I think I might win." I hand her the small square box.

She peels the tape carefully off the seams, and I laugh at the way she takes the paper off and folds it neatly. "Hmm. No rattling," she says, shaking the box next to her ear.

"Just open it, Bella," I say impatiently.

"What's this?" she asks, lifting a white piece of paper from the box.

"Unfold it and find out." I'm suddenly anxious. Both nervous and excited.

She unfurls the white square and stares at it for a minute before recognition dawns on her face. It's a picture of the telescope all put together and pointed at the window in her bedroom back at her apartment.

"This is…my room. You got me a telescope?"

"I knew you didn't have one, and I thought… Well…astronomy…" I don't even know what I'm saying.

She just continues to stare at the paper. "You got me a telescope?" she says again.

"It's not a super top-of-the-line model or anything," I say quickly. "Just a little something…" I'm not completely sure what this reaction means. But then she looks up at me with tears in her eyes and throws her arms around my neck.

"Thank you so much! Oh my gosh, Edward. It's the best present ever."

I heave a sigh of relief and bury my face in her hair. "You really like it? I was nervous for a second there."

"I love it. I really do." She kisses me once on the lips. "I can't wait to play with it later."

I can't hold back a snort as I watch a blush spread over her face at the innuendo.

She ignores it and gets up to return with a large wrapped box. "Here you go," she says.

"Wow." I take it from her and try to rattle it like she did with hers. "It's heavy."

She bounces up and down on the bed next to me. "Open it!"

"Okay, okay. Miss Impatient." I wink and rip through the paper, and when it's all gone, I can't believe what I see. It's a record player. A new model of an old-fashioned turntable. "Bella… Oh, wow."

"I saw it and thought of all those old records wasting away in your closet. I can't wait to listen to them."

"Neither can I," I say. I look up from the picture on the box and then set it aside to give her my full attention. "This is amazing, Bella. Thank you." I put my hands on either side of her face and kiss her properly. Like most of our kisses, it starts out slow and sweet. Then it's harder, heavy. I pull away before I can't and run my hands up and down her sides. Why do I love to torture myself? "If we weren't at your parents' house… Can we finish that later?"

She nods and looks at me through half-closed eyes. "Can we go soon, then?"

"I think your family might be upset if I whisk you away so soon on Christmas. And my parents want to see you, too."

She shrugs. "It was worth a try."

At my parents' house later, she laughs at my grandpa's corny jokes, tells Mom about Christmas with Benji, and jumps in on the ribbing that takes place at any Cullen gathering. She seems so at ease. As I watch her with my family, I'm amazed at how well she fits into my world, and I fall in love with her a little more. I'm still not sure if she's ready to hear it.

I'm pretty certain Mom's been in the egg nog. She's loose-lipped with proclamations of love for everyone. I sincerely hope she keeps her promise from this morning.

* * *

When night falls, I take an exhausted Bella back to her apartment. I spend more nights here than not these days. It's so good to be alone with her, away from the prying, curious eyes and ears of others. We lie on her bed in pajamas—I keep some here along with a toothbrush and a few changes of clothes. We talk and kiss, kiss and talk, and the conversation lessens as the kissing gets heated.

"Plans for New Year's Eve?" I ask her huskily, trying to break the sexual tension. She opens her eyes. They're cloudy, and her lips are swollen, her cheeks red.

"Uh…no? I mean I don't know. Let's just do this," she mutters before she attacks me again with lips and hands. I tilt my head and deepen the kiss. My wandering hands smooth across her back under her shirt, and she arches against me. I think she wants more, but I can't give that to her right now. She wanted to take things slowly, and now so do I. I want to wait until I can pluck up the courage to tell her… I tear my mouth from hers and make my way to that sensitive spot just under her ear. She shivers as I taste her skin, and I nip her earlobe gently.

"You're so beautiful, Bella," I say, pulling back to look her in the eyes. I want to tell her. I should. But I don't want it to be in the heat of the moment. She smiles at me, and I think she knows. I want to show her. I want her to know.

* * *

I don't have to wait long. The day after New Year's Day, Bella and I laze around my room for a change, listening to records on her brilliant idea of a Christmas present. The Beatles album ends, and Bella kneels on the floor, flipping through the albums until she finds one she likes. A Dire Straits song starts up, and I recognize it immediately. I've liked it since I was a kid.

Mark Knopfler sings about Romeo serenading the streets, and I murmur along. At my favorite part, I kneel behind Bella, my chest to her back, and sing in her ear, "_You and me babe, how 'bout it?_"

She giggles. "I've always loved that part."

I plant a kiss behind her ear. "And _I_ love _you_." I immediately stiffen as I realize what I've just said. Once again, the filter between my brain and my mouth has failed me, and I've fucked it up. The blood drains from my face, and part of me hopes she didn't hear it. But I know I'm not that lucky. "I— That just slipped out."

She's shaking. Her hands are in her lap, and she looks down at them. There's no going back now. It's all or nothing. Sighing heavily, I move to sit next to her, facing her, and take one of her hands in both of mine. "I do though, Bella. I wasn't going to say anything yet because I didn't want to push." I raise one hand and tilt her chin up so she'll look at me. I have to see her eyes. "But it's true. I love you, Bella."

I watch her swallow, and she blinks her glistening eyes rapidly. "I know," she says. My heart leaps to my throat and then plummets down to my feet. "You're not pushing. I never want you to feel like you have to hold back." She smiles and climbs into my lap and presses tiny kisses up my jawline, all the way to my ear, where she whispers words that annihilate me. "And I love you, too."

My head jerks back in shock. Did I hear that? She's grinning at me, and I can only imagine the look on my face. "You do?"

She nods.

"You're not just saying it because you feel like you have to say it back? Because you—"

She cuts me off with a kiss. "I love you, Edward," she says, and this time I know I've heard right. "I'm saying it because I mean it."

I wrap my arms around her without caring how tight my hold is. "God, that's amazing," I tell her. "I was afraid you'd think it was too much, too fast. You said you wanted to take things slowly."

"Maybe that's overrated," she says.

I think this is the best day of my life. I chuckle darkly and pull her closer. She wraps her legs around me and kisses me hard and fast. It's not slow or romantic. It's…hot. Our tongues meet, and waves of heat fly through me. I'm instantly hard, and like that day on the couch almost a month ago, she presses down so she can feel me against her. I pull her closer to me by the hips. We haven't done this. We haven't allowed ourselves any relief of the sexual tension that's always building. I've never…_touched_ her. But having her wriggling around on top of me makes me want to now more than ever. "So good," I mumble in her ear, and when she pulls away, I think she's going to put a stop to it. But she only adjusts her position, getting up on her knees so she can move at a better angle.

"Oh," she gasps. "That's so…"

"Yeah," is all I can say. I need better leverage, so I maneuver us closer to the wall so I can lean back. "That's better," I say and move my hands up her sides and back down. I trace her skin under her shirt, working my way up to her bra, pulling the cup down so I can feel the warm, soft skin there. Her nipples are hard as I brush my thumbs over them. It makes her breath whoosh out and her fingernails dig into my back.

"Oh, God," she mutters into my neck. "I think I'm…" Her whole body tenses, and she makes the sexiest noises I've ever heard as she expels hot breaths against my neck, making the hairs there stand up.

The feeling that rushes through me is intense, consuming. "I'm with you," I tell her, and then I'm done for. It shoots through me like lightning, made more intense by the knowledge that she loves me like I love her. My head thuds back against the wall, and she slumps forward on my chest, shaking slightly, resting her head right where my heart is about to beat out of my chest. She looks up at me with a sheepish look, and there's no way I'm letting her feel embarrassed about what we just did. "That felt…" I trail off, allowing my lazy grin and kiss to explain for me.

She nods and squeezes me, clearly not in control of all her faculties yet. I trail my fingers up and down her back until I can't put off disturbing the peace anymore. I need to clean up.

"Hey." I nudge her so she'll lift her head to look at me. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispers against my lips, and I'm blown away.

She stands up to make herself presentable, and I try to be stealthy about grabbing a new pair of jeans before I disappear into the bathroom. She loves me. She loves _me_. Why was I so worried about using those words? I've loved her for a long time now. And if the crazy-in-love reflection I see in the bathroom mirror right now is any indication of how I've looked to her for the past few months, she knew. She always knew.


	12. The Splendor

**A/N: RachelFish, there will never be enough words to tell you how much I appreciate you! **

**A good song for this chapter: "At My Most Beautiful" by R.E.M.**

* * *

We try to spend more time at my house these days. Try to be more social. We can't stay holed up in the love nest that is her apartment forever. And now that the cat's out of the bag, the shine has rubbed off for everyone else. Their teasing is at a minimum now. School's about to start again, and lazy days will turn back to crazy busy for all of us. Especially because I've decided that it's time for me to get a part-time job and stop living off the money my parents think they're "sneaking" into my bank account.

"A bellhop?" Bella snickers at my choice of job. "At the Francis Marion?"

"Is there something wrong with that?" I ask.

"No, but will you be wearing one of those uniforms?"

I sigh. To keep some history of the twenties-era hotel alive, the bellhop uniforms look pretty much like they did back then. "Yes. I know it's silly, but it pays pretty well. There aren't that many job openings this time of year."

"Hmm," she says with a devious look on her face. "I'm not sure if I think it's silly or hot. I do love a man in uniform."

"Get over here," I say with a growl. She squeals as I pull her into my lap and attack her neck with my teeth and lips. Playful bites and nips turn softer as the rain falls harder outside my bedroom window. But as I lay her back on my bed, I hear a muffled voice on the other side of the door that isn't one I want to hear in this moment.

"Edward? Are you home?"

"Alice." I drop my head on Bella's shoulder. "Maybe if we ignore—"

"She sounds upset," Bella says and scrambles out from under me. When she opens the door, my pouting sister is standing there wringing her hands and looking more shaken than I've ever seen her.

"Bella!" she wails, throwing her arms around my girlfriend, nearly knocking her over.

"Whoa! What on Earth is wrong?" I ask. I'm completely taken aback. Alice rarely ever gets upset like this.

"J-J-Jasper," she stammers before erupting into sobs.

Bella leads Alice into the room and sits her down on the edge of my bed. "What's the matter with Jasper?" she asks. "Is he hurt?"

"No."

Alice's disarray has me a little worried. I kneel down in front of her on the floor so she'll look at me. "What's the matter? Did you break up?"

"No." She rubs at her eyes and hiccups as her sobs calm somewhat. "He's leaving."

"Leaving?" Bella asks. "What do you mean? He just bought a house. He can't be leaving."

She shakes her head. "He's going away for work."

"Oh, Alice," Bella says with a short laugh. "He travels for work all the time."

Alice finally raises her head and narrows her eyes. "But he'll be gone for a whole month."

I'm floored. Jasper's going away for a few weeks, and my sister acts like it's the end of the world. "A month? Geez, Alice. I thought he'd done something to hurt you."

"It does hurt."

"It's thirty days."

"Thirty-two," she says, "with travel."

Never has Alice been this attached to a guy. At least not that I know of. This isn't like her at all. Bella shoots me a disapproving glare, so I clam up.

"School is starting soon. You'll be so busy you won't even have time to miss him," she says.

Alice collapses backward on my bed. "Yes, I will! Don't say I won't miss him. I miss him already."

"Where's he going?" Bella asks.

"Seattle."

Bella gives another short laugh. "Well, that's not too horrible. At least you can talk on the phone every day. And there's Skype, too."

Alice hugs one of my pillows, and I want to warn her not to get snot and runny mascara all over it. But I have a feeling I should stay quiet.

"Maybe I could take the semester off from school and go with him."

"That's ridiculous!" I say, unable to keep my opinion to myself. "Alice, you're overreacting. Anyway, Seattle's rainy and cold. Even if you could go with him, you'd be miserable in that weather."

She darts her eyes from my face to the window and back. It's still pouring rain outside. And it's cold.

"Well, that proves my point. It's like this almost every day there."

She crosses her arms. "You've never even been to Seattle, Edward. That's probably a myth."

"We can do lots of fun things together to make the time go by quickly, okay?" Bella says. "We can hang out more often, go shopping…whatever you want."

"Promise?"

"Of course."

"Ali?" I look up at the sound of Jasper's tentative voice in the doorway. "Are—are you okay?"

She turns her back to him and wipes her eyes. "Yes," she lies. "I'm okay."

A snort escapes me, and Bella shakes her head at me with a reproachful look that I never want to see again. She's known me just a handful of months, and she already knows how to put me in my place.

"Are you sure?" Jasper asks, approaching her with caution. "What's the matter?"

She bites her lip and gives Bella and me a pleading look.

"She's upset about you leaving," Bella tells him, still rubbing Alice's back.

Jasper is across the room in less than three steps. "Why didn't you tell me, Ali?" he asks, wrapping his arms around her. The waterworks break again. "You seemed fine a few hours ago."

"I didn't want you to see me upset," she says.

At that point, Bella catches my eye and nods toward the door. I sigh, and even though it's my room, we leave to give them some privacy.

"Damn," I say when we reach the living room. "It's not like he's going away forever. I've never seen her so upset."

"I think I'd be pretty sad if I didn't get to see you for a month," Bella says timidly, and I'm gone. Liquified.

"Really?"

She nods.

I kiss her on the cheek and pull her in for a tight hug. "I love you." I say it as often as I can now.

"I love you, too," she says, and I don't know if I'll ever get used to it. But I certainly hope I never do.

* * *

After Alice's interruption last night, Bella and I decide to retreat to our bubble at her place. The rain hasn't let up for days, and cabin fever has started to set in.

"I'm bored," Bella whines, throwing a book of logic puzzles onto the floor.

"Sorry I'm not entertaining enough for you," I say with a grin, but I know what she means.

She kisses me on the cheek. "Of course you are. I'm just tired of being cooped up inside."

I stand up from the couch to stretch and peek out the window. There are a few breaks in the clouds, which seem to be parting. "It looks like the sun might be peeking out. Want to go for a run?"

I'm pretty sure she makes it from the couch to the window in a single bound. "Really? Yes! Let's go."

We waste no time changing into running clothes and dash out the door and down the stairs.

The clouds move in, though, and we're halfway to the Battery before a light rain starts up again.

"Noooo," Bella groans.

"Just wait," I tell her. "It might be a short sprinkle."

But as soon as I say the words, the sky opens up and it begins to pour. Bella squeals at the cold, hard rain beating down on us, and we laugh together as we dash back to the apartment. I'm soaked to the bone, and the cold makes my limbs tingle.

"You good?" I ask. Her teeth are chattering, and I feel bad for even suggesting a run in the first place.

"I'm okay," she insists.

We can barely see through the thick sheets of rain. The frigid air pumping in and out of my lungs makes them scream. I think it freezes my blood in my veins, too, because my whole body starts to go numb.

Finally the house comes into view, and we run straight up three flights of stairs. Neither one of us stops until we reach her bedroom. I slump against the doorframe, trying to catch my breath and reign in the laughter that's trying to escape. Bella leans forward with her hands on her knees, and when she stands back up to shed her sopping wet sweatshirt, my breath is taken away again. Not only does she look incredibly sexy all wet and disheveled, but her thin white bra is damn near transparent. I can see almost everything.

"Bella?" I want to kick myself when my voice comes out like a croak.

She turns to face me completely, and that's that. I can't wait any longer.

"Is something wrong?" she asks with a look of concern.

I look pointedly at the visible skin of her breasts, her hard nipples, so tempting, so luscious, and raise my eyebrows. She looks down and quickly crosses her arms over her chest.

"Oh!" she says with a shocked and embarrassed look. "I'm sorry. I was just—"

"Sorry? Oh, no." I recover and stalk slowly toward her, wearing my intentions on my face. "Don't be sorry." I take her hands and move them back down to her sides so I can see. "I'm very, very appreciative." _And very, very turned on_, I think to myself, but I'm pretty sure she can tell that through my wet, clingy sweatpants.

Her skin is slick, and my hands slide easily across her stomach, up her sides, around to her back. Her eyes close, and her quick breaths turn shaky.

"I…um… I was just gonna take a hot shower," she stammers. "Warm up."

It's not the cold that makes me shiver this time. I lean in close and kiss that sensitive spot under her ear. "Maybe we should shower together," I whisper and smile against her ear. "You know. Skin to skin is the quickest way to warm up."

"I think—" She sighs and shakes as I kiss my way down her neck. "I think that's a good idea."

"Yeah?"

She nods, and our kisses are greedy as our hands explore. I've touched her like this before—my hands slipping over her curves, grabbing her round little butt as I back her toward the bathroom—but I can't wait to learn every inch of her. I lift her up onto the bathroom counter and leave her for just long enough to turn on the hot water. Then I'm all over her, kissing and nibbling and touching. She pulls my shirt up and over my head, and I tug at the waist of her pants as she pushes mine down, her touch blazing a trail over my hips, my sides, my chest. And here we are. Standing here in nothing but our underwear. I've seen her half-dressed. I've pushed her bra aside and licked and sucked. But this is the line. This is the one we've never crossed. I'm on fire, studying her body with my eyes as she does the same, memorizing every inch before I survey it with my hands. My mouth.

"Beautiful," I murmur before our mouths meet hungrily again. Wet is good. Her hands slip and slide over me as I kiss her with my eyes open. If I close my eyes, I might not believe it. When she opens hers, I grin and move to her neck, her collarbone, her shoulder, down her chest. Her breasts are pushed up and forward when she lifts her arms, allowing me to pull off the useless sports bra. She's fucking gorgeous. Words can't describe. She presses herself against me, wraps her arms and legs around me, and I'm surrounded by her. Her naked chest against mine feels amazing. My heart's about to beat out of my chest, and I need this to happen. I need to be close to her.

"The water's gonna get cold," I say and start to pull off my boxers. Her hands still me.

"Let me." She tugs them down slowly, biting her lip and being obviously careful when she moves the elastic over my painfully hard erection. I wish I could see what's going through her head.

She stands upright, and I help her out of her panties. Then we're in the shower, standing under the hot stream. My insides might be boiling, but my skin is still frozen, and the hot water bites into it as it warms me. We stand there together, kissing and staring, skin pressed against skin. Everything buzzes as my cock rubs against her soft lower abdomen. She breaks our kiss and gazes up at me with this purely wicked grin as she takes me in her hands. Stroking slowly. Sending shockwaves through my body. I can't take it.

I lean my forehead against hers and murmur weak words of protest. "Bella, stop. It's been a while. I'm… It's too much."

She only smiles and squeezes me. "Good."

_Oh, God_. She wants me to. It won't take long. It's been months and months. She kisses and licks and I do my best to hold on. I abandon my grasp of her wet, naked ass to support my weight against the tiled wall. Every muscle in my body tenses, and I can't anymore. I groan once, and I'm coming. Coming apart in her hands.

I don't know if I use words. If I make any sound at all. I'm blind and deaf and drunk on only one sensation.

"Bella. _Christ_," I say, senseless, and then kiss her harder than ever.

The water starts to cool, but I'm useless. Bella turns the shower off and hands me a towel, and I snap to as we dry each other off. She squeals and giggles as I pick her up and carry her to the bed.

"Do you know how sexy you are?" I ask, getting a complete view of her naked body as I stand over her beside the bed.

"No," she says, and I know she means it.

She's slender, yet soft somehow. Goosebumps break out over her beautiful skin, and I know she feels self-conscious with me staring at her. But I think she's flawless. Perfect. Her curves tempt me, calling me down to join them.

I crawl over her, covering her body with mine, and it feels incredible. Nothing between us. Nothing around us. Just shower-warmed skin. Just us. "No? I'll just have to show you then." As turned on as I am, I need time to recover so I can give her what she needs. I kiss my way down her body, taking one nipple into my mouth, then the other, tasting her skin, down, down, down. Parting her legs. Feeling her wet heat around my fingers. _So _wet. She squirms underneath me and makes sultry noises, and it makes me so hard. I kiss down one thigh, up the other, then press a kiss between them. She jumps when my tongue touches her for the first time.

"Edward," she whimpers, tangling her fingers in my hair.

I can't get enough. Her taste. Her scent. The feel of her beneath my mouth, against my tongue, around my fingers, all around me.

Her hips buck slightly and she whispers my name. "I'm so— Oh... _Oh_…" She cries out as her back arches, and I know she's done for. Her fingers in my hair loosen as she comes down, and I slow my efforts to kiss my way back up her body, more than ready to feel what I just felt while I'm buried deep inside her.

"I want you," I growl, attacking her with my lips.

"Please," she says between kisses.

My cock slides against her wetness, and it almost leaves me dumb. "Condom?"

She looks at me for a second as if she's in a daze, but her eyes clear and she comes back to me. "I'm on the pill."

_Hallelujah_. "Are you sure? I'm clean, but…"

"Me too. I'm so sure."

I let my weight press her down as I kiss her. One hand goes behind her head, the other around her back as our bodies line up. Then I'm pushing slowly inside her. So slow. So good. "_Bella_," I whisper. She's _my_ Bella. "You feel…incredible."

Her answer is a breathy, wordless whisper. I give us both time to adjust to the new feeling before pulling back slightly. She follows me, moves with me, wraps her legs around me and urges me on. She tilts her head back, and my lips find her neck, then her nipples. Her eyes drift closed, and her pretty lips part, and soon I feel her falling. Clenching inside, clutching outside, locking her ankles around my back. She makes the sexiest noises as she comes again. For me. Just for me.

"Yes," I whisper into her ear. Her fingers dig into my back. The rhythm picks up. That impending, coiling feeling starts deep within me, and then I'm falling apart, too, spiraling, burying my face in her neck, barely caring that I might be holding on too tightly. It's unlike anything I've ever felt. It's never been like this with anyone else. I pulse deep within her, and time stops. When it starts again slowly, I can still feel her fluttering around me. I'm dumbstruck. I shudder in her arms and relax against her, kissing her neck, her shoulders, her jaw, murmuring words of love as we both come back to ourselves. I'm suddenly very aware of my weight on top of her and push myself up on my elbows.

I can't suppress the wry grin that spreads across my face. Hers is radiant. "That was amazing." I'm repeating myself, but I'm at a loss.

She laughs, seeming to understand. "Remind me why we were taking things slowly."

I have no idea. I shake my head and pull out of her slowly, then lie next to her and pull her tight against my side. "Did I tell you I love you?"

"Yes," she says, "but I never get tired of hearing it. And I love you, too." She presses a soft, long kiss to my chest and sits up, tilting her head toward the bathroom. "I need to…"

I nod and then watch her cross the room, overjoyed that she's now secure enough not to cover up. She just strides across the wood floors in all her glory, her naked ass taunting me as she walks away. She's back as quickly as she left, carrying a small towel for me to clean up with.

"Are you still cold?" I ask when we're curled up under the blanket again.

"Not really," she says, "but I think we'd better stay under the covers naked, just in case."

I chuckle and trail my fingertips up and down her arm. "Are you okay? I mean, that was okay, right?"

"It was more than okay."

"Good," I say slyly. "Because I'm already thinking of when we're going to do it again."

She giggles, and it sends shockwaves straight through me. "Thank you," she says.

"For what?"

"For waiting for me." She clasps my hand in hers and lowers her gaze, and I know she's going to talk to me. Really talk. She always looks down when she's about to get serious. "I know it was frustrating, and I didn't make it very easy."

I tilt her chin up to see unshed tears in her eyes. "Don't. You needed time, and I was happy to give it to you." My lips brush against hers once before I pull her bottom lip into my mouth and bite playfully. "Besides," I say with a smirk. "It was definitely worth the wait."

She laughs again and hides her face in my neck. I can't remember ever being this content. This fulfilled. And it has nothing to do with sex, really. It's all about Bella. She's everything to me. She consumes me, body, mind, and soul. Her fingers crawl lightly up and down my back, lulling me into a sleep that I try to battle, but it comes anyway. She's the last thing I see before my eyelids droop one last time, and she's the only thing I ever want to see before sleep again.


	13. The Beginning

**A/N: Thank you thank you thank you thank you a million times to RachelFish for her help with this. You're an absolute doll, my friend. **

**And thank YOU for reading this. It's been fun to write, and I'm so happy people enjoy reading it. There will be a couple of outtakes posted soon, so it's not technically the *complete* end of these two. **

**A good song for this chapter: "At My Most Beautiful" by R.E.M.**

* * *

Unloading and loading suitcases, parking and fetching cars, and giving directions to tourists isn't the hardest job in the world. But it is pretty tiring. I started my job a couple of weeks into the new year, and it was fine until classes started back up. The hours aren't bad, but I have to work the odd night shift, giving me only a few hours of sleep before I have to drag my ass out of bed and get to class. The saving grace is the class I share with Bella. It's my one early morning class, and walking into the room and seeing her face—if I don't have the night off and am able to wake up next to her and walk to class with her—is enough to perk me up more than a cup of coffee ever could.

A month and a half into the spring semester, I've got a nice little routine going, even if my work hours aren't always the same. On days when I don't have to work, we lounge around the house—usually hers—or go out for dinner and drinks. Sometimes we go out to do photo shoots for class. I love taking pictures of her. She was self-conscious at first, but she's incredibly photogenic. Not a surprise, since she's fucking gorgeous. She didn't believe me until she saw herself through my eyes. Much to her chagrin, my first project was a set of photos of her. Just her face in different light. She loved them and thought I had some sort of magic touch. No way. It's all her.

If I work at night, I cram my homework in between classes and get as much done as possible so I can nap in the afternoon. If I work during the day, I do homework side by side with Bella—sometimes on the couch, sometimes in the library. Then we go to bed together. Some nights I ravish her, and she takes it greedily. Other nights we take it slow, exploring languidly and finding new places, new heights every time. My girl gives as good as she gets. Maybe even better.

Tonight, I'm surprising her. Well, the surprise is for Alice, really, but Bella hasn't been let in on the secret. She can't keep one to save her life, as long as it's good news. Neither can Emmett, for that matter. Jasper has been gone for almost a month, and though he isn't due back for another week, he called Rose a couple of nights ago to tell her he was coming home early. He wanted to surprise Alice, so we set it all up. It makes me happy that he cares so much for my sister. So here I am, leading a tired, disheveled Jasper up the staircase to Bella's apartment, where the girls are supposedly having a sleepover. I hand over my keys so he can be the first inside, but the guy's so tired that he drops them before he can unlock the door.

"Fucking hell," he mutters. I laugh quietly as he fumbles with the key in the lock. When he finally opens the door, two shocked faces are already turned toward us. Rose looks very pleased with herself, even if all she did was call me to arrange it. Alice wastes no time sprinting across the room and flinging herself at Jasper.

My eyes seek out Bella immediately, and that relieved, at-home feeling washes over me like it always does when we've been apart. We smile at each other, and I know she feels the same thing. I sit next to her on the couch, putting my arm around her and pressing my lips to the side of her head.

Jasper's suddenly got a second wind, apparently, and he laughs as Alice squeals and babbles excitedly. "I thought you wouldn't be home for another week!"

"I finished up early and thought I'd surprise you," he says. "I only told Rose and Edward." He looks over at Bella and winks. She just shrugs and grins sheepishly, knowing full well why she wasn't let in on the secret.

"What are you doing here?" Bella asks me. "I thought you were working tonight."

"I picked up Jasper from the airport. You're not mad I kept it from you, are you?"

"Of course not," she says. "I'm really glad you're here."

"Well," says Rose, "I guess I'll drive these two home before they attack each other in the middle of the living room."

The goodbyes are short and sweet, and suddenly it's just Bella and me alone on the couch.

"This is nice," she says. "Having you here for two whole nights during the week. I almost don't know what to do with myself."

I give her a lusty grin. "I know exactly what to do with you."

"I'm sure you do—" she says, but my lips take hers before she can finish.

It's not slow this time. It's eager and wanton. My tongue and hands work her over, and I lower her down to the couch cushions as we clumsily shed clothing. We're both naked and ready in no time flat. She pushes on my chest, and I wonder what's wrong, but the wicked glint in her eye tells me what she wants. I sit up, and she crawls onto my lap, reaches down to line us up, and sinks down on me slowly. My head falls back and I groan as she starts a quick rhythm. She kisses my neck, brushes of soft lips followed by licks and bites.

I love it like this, seeing her over me, hands gripping my shoulders, gorgeous tits bouncing in front of my face. I smooth my hands over her back, grab her ass, clutch her hips and yank her down harder as I push up. Move with her. Taste her. Feel her around me. She leans forward with her forehead on my shoulder, and with a gasp and a muffled shout, she comes, squeezing me deep inside, making me come, too. She moans and pants against my lips, and I'm done for.

Hard kisses and nips turn to soft brushes of lips as we slow to a stop. She rises and falls against my chest with my heavy breaths, and we're both damp with sweat thanks to the fire burning in the fireplace. I hold her hair up off her neck and blow on it to cool her down.

"I love you, Bella," I say softly. I drop her hair and run my hands through it. "So much."

"Love you, too," she whispers. "More than anything."

We stay tangled together as long as we can before moving becomes a necessity. She disappears into the bathroom, and I find my boxers and pull them on before going to her bedroom. I'm excited about having the night off. Even if I have to work in the morning, I get to wake up with Bella, and that makes it better.

The bathroom door opens, and Bella smiles when she sees me sitting on the bed. She comes to me and kisses the top of my head as my arms go around her waist. "Can you stay?" she asks.

"I was counting on it," I tell her. "I packed a bag."

She laughs—it sounds so carefree—and goes to pull a t-shirt from a dresser drawer. "Now why'd you have to go and do that?" I ask as she pulls it over her head. "I like you naked." The shirt is one of mine, one I've been searching for. I wonder when she pilfered it, but I can't find it in me to care. It looks much better on her than it ever did on me.

She laughs again and shakes her head as she climbs into bed beside me. "Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"Yes," I say with a groan. "At five. Will it bother you if I'm up that early?"

"Nope," she says and reaches over to set the alarm. "At least you'll get a few more minutes of sleep since don't have to drive so far."

"I have the whole weekend off," I tell her as I gather her in my arms. "A new guy started. We voted for more days off instead of shorter shifts."

"That's good news." She covers a giant yawn with her hand. "Sorry. It was a long day with Alice and Rose."

I chuckle at her aggravated tone. "It's nice Jasper was able to come home early."

"Yeah," she says. "She missed him a lot."

"I know. I've missed you lately, and you didn't even go anywhere."

"Aww. I've missed you, too," she says, squeezing her arms around me. "You'd better get to sleep. You have to get up in, like—" She raises her head to look at the clock again. "—five hours." She makes a disgusted face, and I laugh.

"I'm kind of getting used to it," I say. We snuggle in, but I can't pass up the opportunity to have her naked body against mine while we sleep. I take her bottom lip between mine as I move my hands up her back, under her shirt, creeping the hem up higher and higher until I'm able to pull it over her head. Then I lock my arms tightly around her and pull her in for sleep. "Good night," I murmur, satisfied and comfortable. "I love you."

She snickers and shakes her head as much as she can while squished against my chest. "I love you, too."

* * *

On a Saturday a few weeks later, I go straight to Bella's after work, like I usually do when I work the day shift. "Honey, I'm home!" I call out like Desi in _I Love Lucy_.

She runs to the door and throws her arms around me. "I missed you," she says. I don't think I've ever seen her quite this enthusiastic about me just walking into the room.

I put my backpack down by the front door and pull her in with my hands on the small of her back. "You just saw me this morning."

She shrugs and clings tighter, so I back her into the living room and guide her down to the sofa with me. I'm beat. I put my arms around her as I close my eyes and lean back.

"How was your day?" she asks.

"Normal. Yours?"

"Uh… Well… I went for a run earlier."

"I wish I had more time to run with you," I say, opening my eyes again. But there's something wrong. The skin around her eyes is the lightest shade of pink, and they look a little swollen. "Bella?"

"Huh?"

"Have you been crying?"

"A little," she says.

I sit up quickly and take her by the shoulders, worried that something bad has happened. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really," she says, stalling. "I talked to Jacob today."

Jacob. A spark of something like jealousy burns through me, but it's gone as soon as it starts. I know better.

"He… Well, I found this picture taped to the door when I got home. It was one of him and me with a note on the back. It made me really angry, so I called him."

"And?"

She takes one of my hands in hers and traces patterns over the back of it. "I told him I'd never been happier than I am now, and I asked him not to contact me again."

Pure happiness. A tingle warms my chest, and I smile. "Really? I mean about the 'never been happier' part."

"Of course." She sits sideways on my lap and frames my face with her hands. "Edward, no one has ever made me feel as special and loved as you. You've never pushed me for anything, and you let me figure things out for myself." She pauses to kiss me. "I was only afraid to be anything more than your best friend because that's how things started with Jake. I didn't want to lose two friends that way. But it's so different this time. I love you more than anything."

"You're still my best friend," I tell her and rest my forehead against hers. "And the feeling is mutual. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." I brush my lips across hers slowly, but before I can go any further, she breaks the kiss.

"Move in with me," she says.

It's the last thing I expected to hear, but it's also the best thing I've heard all year. "I already stay here most of the time," I say, teasing her.

"Let's make it official," she answers. "Move in with me for real. I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up with you every day. I want you to know you won't disturb me by coming over when you get off work at one in the morning. You'll just be coming home to me."

I know my smile is wide and goofy, but I couldn't care less. "Okay."

"Okay?" she asks.

"The sooner the better."

She throws her arms around my neck excitedly, and I press kisses to her lips, her cheeks, her nose, her neck… "How much time do we have before we have to meet everyone?" I ask.

"Two hours?"

"Sounds about right," I say, taking her hand and pulling her toward the bedroom.

* * *

We join the others later at a bar to see some band Alice's friend is in. I know it's obvious that Bella and I keep throwing these lovesick looks at each other. And I know this because my brother, sister, and friends won't leave us the hell alone. They're asking all these ridiculous questions, and their objectives are achieved. Bella blushes, and I squirm at the notions they toss out. Are we engaged? Is she pregnant? Did we just have sex in the bathroom?

"Hey, congrats on finally getting laid!" Emmett says a little too loudly and whacks me on the back.

"Shut up," I mutter. I don't know why we're the ones suffering the interrogation. Emmett and Rose announced earlier tonight that they've decided to get married a few weeks after graduation. I'm happy for them. Em is wrapped, and Rose is elated. She's been flashing that rock around every chance she gets.

"I'm moving in with Bella," I tell Jasper and Emmett when we go to the bar for drinks.

Jasper laughs and picks up his fresh beer. "Saw that coming."

"Who didn't?" Em agrees, clinking his bottle against mine.

"You suck," I tell them both. They knew this whole time, yet they went on with the teasing.

"C'mon, Eddo," Emmett says, and I cringe at the nickname. "You're there almost every night anyway."

I shrug and pick up my share of the beer and shots of whiskey. Jameson. Bella loves it. I was pretty surprised when she told me that. She tells me these little things from time to time that make me fall even harder for her. We join the girls, who are sitting together and laughing excitedly on the deck out back. Bella takes her beer and whiskey gratefully, and I plant a kiss on top of her head, putting a possessive arm around her waist. We toast Emmett and Rose. The shot of Jameson leaves a pleasant burn in its wake. And it's pretty creepy of me, but I have to admit I get kind of turned on watching Bella tip her shot back with her eyes closed. I watch her swallow, and she wrinkles her nose a bit but follows it up with a big grin and winks at me. I die a little bit inside.

She starts to follow the others back into the bar, but I grab her arm and pull her back to me to give her a light kiss, enjoying the taste of whiskey on her lips. "I love you, Bella," I say, knowing full well that I sound kind of drunk. I am. Drunk on her. "Do you know that?"

My eyes close as she runs a finger down my cheek and across my jaw, then presses it against my lips. "I do know that. Without a doubt. And do you know how much I love you?"

"I do. I'm so glad you decided to take a chance on me."

"There was no decision to be made," she says. "It was just a matter of time, even if I didn't know it at first."

I sort of forget that we're in a public place as I kiss her good and proper. My tongue strokes hers; my teeth nip at her lips. But she pulls away too soon and suggests we join the others.

All I can do is nod and squeeze her hand as she leads me back inside. People are nodding, dancing, singing along to the band covering "Don't Bring Me Down." I chuckle at my sister and her customary enthusiasm as she bounces up and down and shouts the lyrics. Emmett just nods his head to the beat and beams at Rose, who dances along with Alice and Jasper. These people. They're my family. And I don't just mean my brother and sister. All of them. It warms my insides more than any shot of whiskey.

I wrap my arms around Bella from behind and hold her close. She turns her head to the side and kisses my cheek. "Love you," she mouths.

"I love and adore you, Bella Swan," I say lowly in her ear. No matter how many times I say it, it'll never be enough. Never in my life did I think I'd be so completely head over heels for someone. Never did I imagine that I'd meet the girl I want to spend my life with at twenty-three. But I have. She's it for me. I know she is.

THE END.


	14. FGB Outtake: Lights Out

**A/N: This outtake was originally written for a Fandom Gives Back Autism Awareness compilation. Here it is again, all dusted off and polished and shiny. Hope you enjoy!**

**A good song for this chapter: "Elsewhere" by Heyrocco**

* * *

"I can't find the thingy," Bella says between wild giggles. "It's dark in here."

"If you'd stop fumbling around, I could get it in," I say in frustration. "It's really hard."

"Careful. Don't touch it too much or you'll leave fingerprints and smudges everywhere." She leans forward and we bump heads, sending her into another fit of laughter. "Ow! This is ridiculous. Why does it have to be so dark?"

"It can't be exposed to light, Bella. You know that." It's exasperating and awkward—and our first experience with it. "Now hold this. I think it's almost in. Yes!"

"Don't move," she whispers. "It can slip out really easily. Just twist it gently."

Finally, the roll of film catches, and I'm able to turn the reel and load it properly. "I don't care how much you practice that in the light; it's just not the same when you can't rely on your eyes."

It's our second week of photography class and our first time loading film into reels in the light-tight room. It's not the same as the dark room. I never knew these tiny closet-like rooms existed. There's just enough room for two people and a table, and when the door is shut it's so dark you can't even see your hand in front of your face. The first time I went in during the tour of the photo lab, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I started to panic. I've never done very well with enclosed spaces, but at least I've never had a huge freakout. I would never have made it past those first couple of weeks in class if I did.

"There," I say as I insert the loaded reel into a black canister and snap the lid on. "Let's do yours now."

When Bella's film is on the reel and in the canister, we both sigh in relief and sit back for a second. Well… _I_ sit back in relief. I can't see what Bella's doing. A cold hand cups my cheek, and I jump. "We did it!" she says and plants a quick kiss somewhere in the vicinity of my lips. "I'm sure it'll be much easier next time."

I pull her into my lap and wrap my arms around her waist. "I hope so. I'm glad we came during open lab and not class hours. There'd probably be a line of people waiting outside that door."

She giggles again. "I wonder if anybody's ever _done it_ in here."

I'm not sure where that thought came from, but far be it from me to question my girl thinking about sex. I raise an eyebrow and leer at her, even though she can't see me. "Hmm. I dunno. But if not, I wouldn't mind being the first ones." I drag my lips down her throat and over her shoulder.

"I don't know… I was only kidding," she says. "Well, half kidding."

"Don't kid me about that kind of stuff, Bella." I bite her shoulder. She squeaks, but her surprise soon graduates to a sound that stirs a pleasant feeling in my pants.

"You know, it really is kind of hot."

"Hot?" I repeat, running my thumbs over her hard nipples. "It seems like you're a little cold."

"I didn't mean it that way. I mean…not knowing what you're about to do. Not being able to see anything."

"Oh, so if I do this—" I lean in and bite a nipple through her top, making her jump and moan simultaneously. "—then you won't see it coming?"

"God. It's like everything is hypersensitive." She swings a leg over me to straddle my lap and licks slowly up my neck and jaw. "See?" she whispers.

"Y–yeah. I do." A shiver goes through my body, and I pull her hips flush with mine, grinding against her. "You're wearing a dress."

"Mmm," she says as she kisses my neck. She moans when I move my hand downward to feel damp heat radiating through thin cotton panties.

"Edward," she says in a sort of breathless way, "you'd better not start something we can't finish."

"Oh, I plan on finishing," I growl, pushing my erection against her again and causing us both to groan. I tilt my head and aim my lips toward where I hope hers are. We collide in a rough kiss, tongues slipping and teeth nipping.

I feel her reach down and unbutton my jeans, and when she takes me in her hand, I draw in a sharp breath. She's so right; everything is unexpected and extra sensitive in complete darkness. I groan her name as her soft, grasping hand slides slowly up and down. My hands wander over her body, squeezing her breasts, skimming down her sides and over the slight swell of her hips, and then caressing down her soft, smooth legs. When I hit leather, I think my dick jumps in her grip.

"I forgot you're wearing those boots," I whisper.

"Yeah, I guess I am," she says, the smug grin obvious in her voice.

"Oh, Bella," I growl again, tugging my pants down slightly and pushing her panties to the side. "I'm going to fuck you now. Here in the dark with those sexy boots on." I've never said those words to her. Sure, I've done it—just gone at it. Fucked her. But I've never used the word. I hope she's not offended, but I can't help myself.

"Please," she whimpers, and my heart rate goes through the roof. Her weight shifts on my lap as she rises slightly and reaches down to position herself over me. Our breathing picks up exponentially as she sinks down on me. The wet warmth that always feels so amazing around me is even better in this dark public place.

"You feel so good," I mutter into her neck when I'm buried inside her. "Soft and warm." She starts moving right away, hands on my shoulders, legs wrapped around me. My head falls back as I let her take the reins for the time being. She slides up and down slowly, making little noises that add to my other heightened senses. When I can't stand it any longer, I grab her hips and thrust up into her.

"Oh!" she exclaims, and I wonder briefly if the light-tight room is soundproof as well.

My hands begin to wander again, and I pull the front of her dress down so I can access her gorgeous breasts. Not that I can see them, but I can feel them. And taste them. Christ, she tastes so good. I suck a tightened nipple into my mouth, loving the feeling of rolling it around on my tongue. I'm pretty sure she loves it, too, because she groans again and contracts around me. Her other breast fills my left hand, and I pinch her nipple roughly, knowing it always brings her right to the edge.

Bella cries out, and something in me snaps. I palm her ass and stand up to deposit her on top of the small table, where she leans back on her hands, creating the perfect angle for me to grab her hips and just let go. I thrust hard. She gives as good as she gets. And before I know it, I hear her muffled cries as she comes around me. My balls tighten with that winding and coiling feeling that always means I'm close. Each squeeze and pulse urges me closer and closer. And then I'm done for. I lean forward and suck on her neck, muffling my loud groans as I come deep inside her.

She collapses backward on the table like a rag doll, and I sag forward with my head on her stomach. "I can't believe we just had sex in the photo lab," she says with a laugh when our breathing evens out. She sits up, causing me to slip out of her. "Oh, God. That was hot."

I laugh, too, and kiss her with both hands framing her face. "I have to agree."

We straighten ourselves and clean up as best as we can, relieved that Bella always carries a pack of tissues in her bag. When we're as presentable as we can be, I crack the door open and peek out. "Coast is clear," I tell her. "Not a soul in sight."

She breathes out heavily. "Good. Look, I'm going to go use the restroom. Can you start my film for me?"

"Of course," I say, kissing her forehead. "Go ahead."

At that moment, the door to the second light-tight room opens, and a couple steps out looking as rumpled and bedraggled as we must. The girl smoothes her hands over her blonde hair; the guy just grins as he exits the room.

Bella's eyes widen as they walk past her and out of the lab. "Guess that answers my question. But they didn't even have the decency to _pretend _they were here to work."

I snort. "Like there was anything decent about what we just did."

One side of her mouth lifts in a smirk, and she throws her arms around my neck and kisses me. "I love you," she whispers. "And that was sensational."

"Yes, it was," I murmur. "And I love you, too."

"Be right back," she says, shooting me a flirty look over her shoulder as she walks out of the photo lab.

I watch her go with a smug smile on my face. I have the best girlfriend ever.


	15. The Epiphany

**A/N: One sentence popped into my head one day, and voila. A brand new chapter for you. I hope you love it. It's from Edward's POV only. Thanks for reading!**

**A good song for this chapter: "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys**

* * *

She looks stunning in that white dress. It took her forever to find the perfect one. I know because she's been stressing over it for the last three months. This one was too lacy. That one was too frilly. The next, too plain. Now, though, in that dress… It's a struggle to stay in my spot and not run to her and drag her away for some alone time, if you know what I mean. Springtime runs and weekends on the beach have made her skin glow, and its contrast against the white fabric makes her more beautiful than I ever imagined. I didn't have any idea at the time why finding the dress was so important to her, but a part of me thinks in hindsight that it was just a way for her to channel her stress and nerves into something other than what she was actually worried about.

Graduation.

The traditional graduation ceremony at our school is unique. Girls wear white dresses and carry red roses, and guys sport white dinner jackets and black pants. Humphrey Bogart's Casablanca look is not something I'd normally care about trying to pull off, but today, I'd kill to be wearing one of those jackets and a stuffy bowtie. I'd love to be crossing that stage and graduating with my Bella. Well, not with her. I would be walking with the other graduates from the art department. Yeah, I finally chose my major. Turns out photography is my thing. I'm not sure how easy it'll be to find a job when I finally do graduate, but it just feels so good to finally have a path. Sometimes I wish I had a fraction of the drive my girl has.

I watch as Bella moves forward in the line and ascends the short staircase. I can't believe how lucky I am and wonder briefly what I've ever done to warrant her dropping into my life…almost literally. When I watched her fall to her hands and knees that day on the Battery, I never imagined she'd be mine. I felt like such a jerk for wanting her. Now, though, pride and confidence radiate from her as she crosses the stage with her shoulders back and her head high.

_That's my girl_, I think to myself. She's come such a long way from that sad, broken girl I found sobbing and bleeding on the sidewalk. Bella's amazing. And she loves me. She loves me. I watch as she moves down the line, shaking hands with the president of the college, the dean of undergrad, and her department's chairs. She takes the stairs down from the stage, and though her moment in the spotlight is over, she's still the only thing I'm focused on. That dress, exposing her shoulders and collarbone, swishing around her thighs as she walks… Those shoes, making her long, lithe legs go on for days. The things high heels do to her calves… Damn.

I'm wrecked. And sufficiently embarrassed for being turned on in the middle of this crowd. I'm sitting next to her parents, for Christ's sake. Charlie elbows me in the side.

"You just sighed like a girl," he utters out of the corner of his mouth.

My face gets all hot. Eventually, his grin breaks through. "I'm proud of her, too," he says, and I'm grateful that he can't read my thoughts.

* * *

"Edward!"

I whip around and spy her through the crowd, walking as quickly toward me as she can on those very high heels. I briefly wonder what she'll look like wearing only those later on. Then I feel guilty again. Pervert.

She crashes into me, and I wrap my arms around her as tightly as I can without breaking her. She squeals as my hug lifts her slightly from the ground. "I'm so proud of you," I tell her, burying my face in her neck and placing a quick kiss there before I pull back to look into her eyes. "I love you."

She beams back up at me, and if I thought she was radiant from afar, she's downright brilliant up close. Renée grabs Bella for an embrace, and she hands me her bouquet of roses. As I glance down at the flowers and back up to her being fussed over by our parents and friends, I'm blindsided by a seemingly idle thought. It comes to me out of nowhere.

I can't wait to see her in a different white dress someday. Someday sooner than later.

I swear I can feel my heart swell and fill up my whole chest. As I watch Bella hug and laugh and shake hands with professors, I suddenly can't wait to be with her forever. Officially, I mean. I've known for a while that she's it for me. I knew it even before I first told her that I loved her.

She turns and seeks me out, holding her hand out to me. Rosalie and Emmett have found their way to the group. It's Rose's day, too, and next week will be Alice's. For the first time, I feel a twinge of regret for taking so long to choose my major and graduate so we can start our real lives together. I'm unexpectedly jealous of Rose and Emmett, and I wonder if Em would take my "man card"—his words, not mine—away if I told him that. Their wedding is just a few weeks away now.

"Congratulations, Rose," I say as I envelop her in a hug. "You look great. Glowing." She doesn't know that Em told me she's pregnant. I'm not jealous of that part. No one else knows—not even Bella. Keeping that from her has been one of the hardest things I've had ever to do, but she doesn't need to hear that from me. She needs to hear it from her best friend. Don't get me wrong. They're both over the moon about the baby, but Em said Rosalie wants to wait until she's further along to tell anyone. Emmett couldn't do it. He was about to burst with the news and made me swear not to breathe a word of it before he told me I'm going to be an uncle. That still feels weird to say.

Later on, after the joint graduation party Bella's and Rosalie's parents planned, the six of us sit around Em and Rose's house—because Alice has officially moved in with Jasper, and Bella and I have been living in her apartment together for the past few months—and talk and drink. Less than a year ago, none of us were so lucky in love. It might seem weird to the odd outsider the way our two families—for all intents and purposes—have melded together into one. Because I know we will. It's obvious that Jasper and Alice are in it for the long haul, and God knows Bella is my life. I am never letting her go.

After a long day and a few drinks, I know there's no way Bella and I are making it home, so we make our way to what was previously my room. Most of my random stuff is still here. The bed is still made. My desktop computer is sitting right where I left it. There are still dirty clothes and mateless shoes littering the floor of my closet. I idly remind myself that I should go through those clothes and bring them home. Home. Because this is not my home anymore. I love living with Bella, waking up to her in the mornings and sometimes in the middle of the night, going to bed with her, spending nights in on the couch with dinner and her guilty TV pleasures. I love seeing our clothes hanging there in the closet next to each other, our shoes side by side near the front door. Our toothbrushes standing in the same decorative mug. Even my combination of shampoo and soap next to all of her girly pink bottles of seemingly redundant products. All of it. The little things.

I follow her into the bedroom and shut the door behind me, leaning back against it to watch her dress swishing back and forth around her thighs, right under her luscious little butt, as she crosses the room. She ditched those sexy shoes long ago, and I'm disappointed yet too embarrassed to ask her to put them back on just for me. She turns when she reaches the bed and cocks her head to the side.

"What are you doing?" she asks, holding her hand out to me the same way she did earlier today.

"Just admiring." I push myself away from the door and go to her. I can't resist her come-hither gaze. I never can. Even after half a year together, I feel like I always need to be touching her. Like I can't get close enough. Never in my life did I think I'd be the sappy one in a relationship. But it turns out I am. Go figure.

I take her outstretched hand and pull her to me, flush against my body. "Do you know—"

"How much you love me?" She interrupts me with a sly grin. I guess I ask that question a lot. "Yeah. Almost as much as I love you."

I start to shake my head and rebut her claim, but she tilts her head up and twines her arms around my neck. Her lips are a soft whisper against mine at first, then a hungry clamor. My hands snake their way down her hips, over her ass of their own accord, seeking out the hem of her dress and pulling it up just enough to stroke that sexy part where the tops of her legs meet the swell of her cheeks. She loves that. So do I. I play at the seam of what feels like sexy lace panties, and as much as I wanted to just ravage her this afternoon—press her down into our bed and just totally wreck her— the evolution of my thoughts has put me in a softer, more mellow mood. I am in complete awe of her. Everything about her. Her body, her brain, her soul… I want it all. And I want it slow.

"Edward," she whispers, shuddering in my arms. She giggles as I squeeze her butt. "What has gotten into you?"

I shrug. "I dunno. I'm just… I'm so proud of you."

She laughs again, and I fall a little bit more in love with her, if that's even possible. "You act like I'm the first person ever to graduate from college."

"It's not just that," I say with a shake of my head. "It's you. Everything."

She rolls her eyes. She always gets a little self-conscious when I get all sappy. "I bet you say that to all the girls."

I laugh lowly and shake my head. "You're the only one. But I am sort of in love with this dress…" I move the hem of her dress up a bit more, resting my hands at the small of her back, and lean down to kiss her again. "And these," I whisper against her mouth as I run a finger along the waistband of the lacy garment I just can't wait to see.

"You like my dress?" she says on a sigh.

"I love it. You know…white is a good look on you. I couldn't help imagining you in another white dress…"

I examine her face as I trail off. She blushes, and her breath catches a little bit, and I think she knows exactly what I mean. Her eyes flutter closed as I bring my lips closer to hers, caressing her cheek with them, running the tip of my nose down her jawline. Then I press a firm kiss to her neck. She shivers again, and I move my hands up her back slowly, savoring every inch of soft, naked skin as I push her dress up and up… She knows what to do when I reach her shoulders, lifting her arms above her head so I can pull the dress I am so in love with completely off. It seems like such a shame to toss it on the floor, but if she was mesmerizing in it, she's utterly bewitching without it. I can't even tell her how beautiful she is for fear that the lump in my throat will cause me to stumble over my words. Instead, I place my hands on her hips and then move them slowly up her sides. Her bra doesn't have straps. It's so easy to pull it down so I can see her fully. Her pretty pink nipples beckon to me, and I duck down enough to take one into my mouth. She makes a low sound in her throat as her head falls back. The ends of her soft hair graze my fingers against her back, and the simple tickling sensation makes me feel ridiculous things.

Things that make me undo her bra right away and lower her to the bed. Her back arches against the flat of my palms. I never want to move them from her skin, but I have to. I stand up, and while I pull my shirt over my head, she situates herself back against the pillows. As my pants go the way of my shirt, I'm pleased to find that the lace I felt under the skirt of her dress is white and rather revealing. All white. Everything's white. It spurs those thoughts even further of another night draped all in white, and I want it. I want it so badly.

As I attack her with lips and hands and she responds with her own, I can't get the thought out of my head. I want it all forever. That swell of her hip, that dip of her waist followed by the next soft curve of her breast. Her soft shoulders, her neck. I trace them all with an eager mouth and try to enjoy it without drifting into the future that I know we'll have one day. But I want it now.

Bella wraps her legs around me, and I can't take it anymore. I slide deep inside, and I know it's weird, but it never gets old, being with her. Every time feels like a new thing. And this time is no exception.

It's slow. It's lovemaking. In complete contrast with what I was feeling mere hours ago, when I wanted to rip her clothes off and do crazy things to her—with her. Bending her over the couch in those shoes would have put her at the perfect angle for… Well, I'll have to remember that for later. For now, I am in complete awe of her. I want to worship her, and I do. We take it slow. Give and take. Take and give and take, take, take. I'm greedy, but at the same time, I want to give her everything. I want to give her the world.

"I love you," I tell her as I look into her eyes and move with her at a steady pace that begins to grow more frenzied. "I want you."

"You have me," she says between breaths that catch in her throat.

"I want you always. For keeps."

"Always," she repeats, and I wonder if she's even lucid enough to know what she's telling me. What I'm telling her. She falls over the edge and pulls me with her.

* * *

Later, as we lie on our backs and bask, Bella settles into the crook of my shoulder. I play idly with her long hair and sigh happily. It's an incredible happiness, a contentment the likes of which I have never known.

"Those things you said," she begins, but she falters and sighs. After months of being as close as two people can be, Bella still gets all shy and embarrassed, ducks her head and struggles to maintain eye contact when she tries to talk about this sort of thing. It's endearing. "You said…" She trails off, and I wonder if she's really trying to get the words out or if she's goading me and actually wants me to help her.

She clears her throat, takes a deep breath, and turns her head to look at me straight on. "You said you want me…for keeps." She pauses and blinks rapidly, as if she's recovering from a haze and is just remembering my words. "And you said you imagined me in a white dress."

"Mmhmm," I say, wanting her to take the reins for this conversation.

"You want…that?" she asks.

I turn on my side to face her. "I do," I say plain as day.

She blushes again. Those two words are not lost on her, even if I didn't intend for them to hold so much of an implication. I've never wanted to push her. From day one, I've trod lightly, knowing that she needed to take things slowly.

She brings a hand up to trace my jawline. "Me too."

I can't stop the huge grin that spreads across my face. My voice is no more than a whisper. "Yeah?"

She smiles, too, and nods. And there she goes with the shy ducking of her head. She hides it under the guise of nuzzling into my neck, and I chuckle. "I love you," she says, her voice muffled. "So much."

We lie together in silence, me running my fingers lightly up and down her back, her fingernails playing at the hair on the nape of my neck. It kind of gives me goosebumps, and parts of me are beginning to stand up and take notice. But I'm too happy to bask in this mood to do anything about it. After a few minutes, I hear the sound of voices. I could have sworn Alice and Jasper went home hours ago, and Emmett and Rose went to bed around the same time we did. The voices get louder, and I groan in horror as I remember why I used to go to bed with earbuds every night. Those parts of me that were at attention before? Their interest is flagging quickly.

Bella lifts her head from my arm slightly, apparently hearing what I'm hearing. "Gross," she mutters. "I forgot about that."

"Yeah. Try living with it every night for months. Should she even be doing that in her condition?" I ask without thinking.

"Yeah, the doctor says it's fine. It won't—" She stops short, and we both do a sort of double-take and stare at each other with wide eyes before speaking almost simultaneously. "You knew?!"

"Oh, my God. All these weeks of keeping it to myself, and you KNEW!" Bella says with a little laugh and a shake of her head.

"You have no idea how hard it's been not to say anything," I tell her. "Anyway, you're one to talk, Miss I-Can't-Keep-a-Secret. How the hell did you manage that?" I'm completely amazed she was able to keep it under wraps.

She laughs again. "She was just really adamant about me not telling anyone. Not even you. She was kind of upset at first."

"Funny," I say. "Emmett said the same thing about not telling people yet, but he's been over the moon about it. Was she really upset?"

She nods. "I mean, she's incredibly happy about it now, of course, but at first she was going on and on about how that was not the way she wanted them to start their life together, and she did not want to be pregnant on her wedding day."

I chuckle, knowing some of that from Emmett's ecstatic ramblings. But I had no idea she was unhappy about it at first. When I stop to consider their situation, I wonder how Bella would feel if we were in their shoes. The thought makes me shudder internally. I like kids, obviously. I've pretty much loved Benji from day one, and I love spending time with him. People have even mistaken him for our kid when we're out and about together. But the thought of that happening right now? No.

Bella wrinkles her nose suddenly, and I wonder if her thoughts have wandered along the same trail as mine, but then a horrified look comes over her face. "Do you think they could hear us?"

I laugh and roll out of bed to turn on some music and drown out the sounds that I know—if their track record is anything to go by—will only get louder. I idly pick up the vintage camera I just bought at a pawn shop off my desk and fiddle with the crank that winds the film.

Bella sits up in bed with the sheet pulled up to cover everything below her shoulders. I raise my eyebrows. I've always wondered why she does that. It's not like I haven't seen all of it every day for the last six months or so. She grins at me and loosens her grasp on the edge of the sheet. I snap a picture, and she scoffs, but she's used to it by now. She rolls her eyes and goes back to her thoughts. "Anyway, I thought Rose said they weren't going to do it for a month before the wedding."

"Ugh, don't," I plead, rubbing my hands over my face as I sit back down on the bed. "I don't want to know any of the gory details."

"Ew!" she says, shoving my shoulder. "I don't know any gory details."

"What, you don't discuss our sex life with your best friend?" I tease her, knowing full well that she doesn't.

"That doesn't even merit an answer."

"And what about the other parts?"

"What about them?" she hedges.

"I mean… Will you tell her about the things we said? It's…pretty heavy stuff."

"What things?"

"You know…" It's my turn to be embarrassed now. Maybe she didn't mean what I thought she meant. Maybe she didn't get the meaning behind our words after all. I suddenly feel really dumb. "Ah… Christ." I rub a hand over my face again and prop my elbows on my knees, chiding myself for teasing her when she didn't even know what for.

Her cool hand on my shoulder is a reassurance. "I was only kidding," she says softly. "Sorry. I thought the teasing thing was mutual."

Every muscle in my body goes slack, and I flop back against the pillows. I run a hand through my hair and turn to grin at her. "Touché."


End file.
